A

Saturday: Saturday there was Reiki with A. Let me start out by telling you that I am very happily married, for the last 10 years. My husband is a wonderful man, whom I truly adore. So do all our friends and relatives, there is nothing missing, conventionally speaking. A perfect life. A perfect husband. A perfect marriage.

Except, I met A.

A is nothing special in some ways, and in a lot of ways, we don't agree on certain fundamental issues. He's very serious about life, an idealist, a man inclined to monasticism and ascending. Literally, he wants to join a monastery, and goes climbing in Tibet once a year. Any relationship would be a disaster, I'm sure. But, for whatever reason, God has put him in my pathway.
I'm not in love with A, I don't think, just in lust. Well, I guess for a woman it's harder to know the difference. Sex for us is not an unemotional localized event.

So I teach Reiki, as I may have mentioned. I somewhat possibly unethically, asked A if he would like to learn Reiki. He of course agreed, having had several experiences with it whilst traveling in Tibet, and being serious about his own spiritual practice.

I have long held the belief that spiritual life while ideally ethical, has times when all that must be forgotten, and you have to do what you are guided to do, for your own awakening. Usually, that falls into place with what others need, and doesn't fit the picture at all of a conventional 'good person'. There are enough stories of people like Drukpa Kunley, who were morally reprehensible, but still Enlightened.

The difference is in how you see the world, through the eyes of a church-going exoteric goody-goody, or through the eyes of one who is awakening to the esoteric, where the lines aren't so distinct, and the world of duality, black and white, good and bad, mom and pop, falls away. And you enter uncharted territory.

So there I was, on Saturday, upstairs in my room with A. For 6 hours. During the learning of Reiki, it is important that the recipient recieve a Reiki treatment and give one, as part of learning how to apply the healing energy to the body.

I never knew you could give a person an orgasm, just from a touch on the shoulder. It wasn't just any orgasm, but was a whole bodily plunge into ecstasy, centered in the genitals, but spreading to the hands, heart, spine, head, feet. A yogic orgasm, that lasted possibly 20 minutes.

Since yesterday, I have been on fire with force, my feet burning, my heart open, my mind buzzing with all the silliness and confusion of lust, but with the greater realization that all is fair in love and kundalini. I will stop at nothing to awaken, even if it means a lesson in morals at some point further on. For now, I can only go where this takes me.
A got something out of the whole deal, Reiki I is no small deal. And I'm confident enough in myself to hope that maybe he'd be flattered.

And you know the funny part? A and I have never even discussed our attraction to each other. I still don't know if that feeling is even mutual, or whether it even needs to be. I'm guessing it is, through simple laws of physics, electricity flows nowhere, if there is nowhere for it to go, no polarity.
But isn't that strange?
We did nothing untoward, outwardly. Not even a kiss on the cheek, seriously. The whole day was very polite and respectful of boundaries, except for the blinding, explosive, yogic orgasm I had.

I wish I knew. I so badly wanted his hands to wander.