Reviewing my resolve, part 3

After all my obsessing about writing this post, I finally decided enough (obsessing) is enough! I get in these moods sometimes where I think I have to be perfect -- I'm sure I'm the only person in the world who ever feels they have to sometimes be perfect, right? ;)

Anyway. I decided to just make this simple to see if I could pull it off. So here goes:

CHALLENGE #1:

If you've followed the blog for a while, there have been a number of references to my desire to be a parent. I haven't written about it lately but it's something that's been on my mind since probably high school.

So the challenge to myself for this year is to make some calls and attend some groups for gay men who are considering parenting.

There is a health center here in Boston that specializes in LGBT issues and they have a program in their behavioral health section called "LGBT Family and Parenting Services." They have an 8-week discussion and support group called, LGBT Considering Parenting Group and I'm planning on calling to get information about the next series.

CHALLENGE #2:

I wrote a while back (post on August 23) that one of my life adventures is to hike the entire Appalachian Trail. This can take anywhere from 5 to 7 months to complete (going all the way from Georgia to Maine). I haven't set a date yet but I'm challenging myself to begin a more concentrated physical training program so I'll have the proper muscles in good shape and so my cardiovascular system will keep those muscles well-nourished and my lungs at maximum capacity.

I've gotten some really good suggestions about proper training on some forums from some "Thru-Hikers" and I've also been corresponding with a couple of people from this area who are interested in going on some weekend day hikes at some mountain ranges in New Hampshire.

CHALLENGE #3:

I've been doing a lot of work this past year on a number of renovations to the house. Back in August of 2011 we posted this explaining that my grandparents (Gran and Papa) are giving me and my two brothers some of our inheritance while they're still alive. Since I'll be inheriting the house on my 21st birthday (less than 4 months from now) I need to step up some of the major renovations I promised them in exchange for a reduction in the rent we've been paying.

So I'm challenging myself to complete these major renovations before I turn 21. And in order to complete this challenge, I'm shopping for my very own pickup  truck! I won't have to rely on my friends to help me haul lumber and other building materials. I'm frankly not at all interested in one of those Macho Muscle Monster trucks either. I'm being very practical and trying to get something that will help me accomplish my sole purpose in owning a truck, which is to haul lumber and building material. Once it's served it's purpose, I'll probably get rid of it.

So there you have it. My challenges to myself for 2013.

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In Honor of Jamey Rodemeyer, Age 14

I had put up another video earlier that I'm taking down now. It was about Jay Leno interviewing presidential candidate Michele Bachman about her views on gay marriage, etc. I found something else that I think is really worth more than listening to that creep. So, I'm putting this up instead. I can hardly type cause I'm crying. --Brad

Jamey Rodemeyer, 14, Dies in Suicide

Source: Advocate.com (Sept. 20, 2011).

Another tragic reminder that bullying against gay youth is a continuing problem comes with the suicide of a 14-year-old boy, Jamey Rodemeyer, who had asked for help repeatedly.

The Buffalo, New York, teen died on Sunday, his body found later outside his home after an apparent suicide, according to the Buffalo News. His death followed not only taping his own It Gets Better video, but also blogging on Tumblr about the bullying at school that just wouldn't stop.

"I always say how bullied I am, but no one listens," he wrote on September 9. "What do I have to do so people will listen to me?"

In May, he was on a high after coming out to friends, and he pointed to the support from people online as the reason it gets better.

"I have so much support from people I don't even know online," he told the camera. "They don't ever want me to die."

Reaction on Tumblr has been of shock and sadness.

"Jamey Rodemeyer is dead? I’ve followed him on Tumblr since I made mine," wrote one person. "I can’t believe this. I don’t even know what to say. Although I didn’t know him in real life, it’s hard to cope with his suicide."

"He lived 45 minutes away from me," another said. "It kills me to think that not even one person could stand up for this kid."

Rodemeyer said in his It Gets Better video that he was being taunted in the hallways of his school.

"I felt like I could never escape it," said Rodemeyer, who claimed Lady Gaga as his inspiration for keeping his head held high.

Dan Savage reacted to the news on his blog, calling for those "who tormented this vulnerable kid" to "be held to account — not bullied themselves, not prosecuted or persecuted, but held to account — for their actions, for their hate, for the harm they've caused."

The It Gets Better project was founded to help kids get through times like Rodemeyer faced.

"The point of the 'It Gets Better' project is to give kids like Jamey Rodemeyer hope for their futures. But sometimes hope isn't enough," Savage wrote. "Sometimes the damage done by hate and by haters is simply too great. Sometimes the future seems too remote. And those are the times our hearts break." 

Watch other videos from Rodemeyer on the following pages. He talks about gay people being called "disgusting" by other students in class, about his belief that same-sex marriage should be legal, and about how Lady Gaga is "the reason why I am alive."

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"Magic Silence" and our Future

Man, yesterday was a tough day (see my post if you haven't already). The only thing I wanted to do last night was take a nice long hot shower, then eat cartons of chocolate ice cream, watch some mindless television and cuddle up with Matt.

Well, I got a call from Matt letting me know that his neighbors across the street asked he if would be willing to babysit their two twins. These little guys (a boy and a girl) are 5-years-old and Matt always melts when he gets the chance to babysit them. He said their parents said it would be cool if I came over also.

To be honest, it was the absolute last thing I wanted to do... all except the part of spending time with Matty. I explained that I had a splitting headache and just wanted to chill for a while. So, what does Matt do? He turns on this totally adorable, sweet, pleading voice and somehow I start chilling within the span of like two minutes. I still haven't figured out how he does that. My headache starts going away and suddenly I'm grinning. Then I hear him saying, "I love how you're smiling right now." I chuckled and said, "When should I show up?"

It's always amazing watching Matt when he's around kids. Some of you may remember how he was with that little boy in the restaurant when we were on our way to Maine. Kids love him I think because he has this way to somehow go into their little world without condescending to them. They seem totally fascinated with him -- the way he can establish instant rapport, speak their language and somehow understand how they think and feel.

There was one point in the evening when they were arguing about what game to play next. You would thing the future of the world was at stake and both were digging in to insist that the game they were proposing was all they would consider. In the span of about three minutes, these two cute, adorable angels started turning into two battling enemies. The volume of their voices was turned on "high" and then the arguments started turning into accusations and it was all headed downhill from there. My headache was starting to return and I was expecting Matt to probably make a decision to play a completely different game or get them distracted somehow. I just looked at him while pressing my fingertips to my temples on my head.

So what does Matt do? He gets down on the floor with them and says, "Magic Silence!" While he's doing this, his hands go up and he's making the "Time Out" sign. Both kids stop screaming at each other and are looking directly at Matt, probably wondering what's going to happen next (I know I was). The amazing thing about all this was how Matt was not screaming or looking angry or frustrated or irritated. It looked like he was going into this role of Magician or something. Whatever those kids saw fascinated them -- and me too!

He puts on this theatrical voice like he's on stage or something and announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls. After two minutes of magical silence, we will decide which game to play. If anyone speaks during Magical Silence, then it's bedtime for all!" He then points to a wall clock we can see in the kitchen and starts a countdown for the two minutes to begin. Both kids (and me) turn our heads to the clock and watch the second hand sweep across. There is total silence.

At the end of two minutes, Matt announces, "Magical Silence is now over. We have to have a solution or bedtime begins. So, what will it be?" The kids just look at each other and then look around the room, then look back at each other. One of them says to the other, "Let's play Rock, Paper, Scissors!" They both agree and get really excited, almost like, "Why didn't we think of this before?" So off they were in this new game in total agreement and excitement.

Matt came over to the sofa and sat with me while they were showing off in front of us. I was dumbfounded. What had just happened? How did he do that? I just looked at him and raised my eyebrows waiting for him to tell me what just happened. I think he was waiting for this all evening, though he denied it. He just said, "Well, it's like us, right? I mean we're not arguing about a game, but we can't decide about what we're gonna do next. We both want to go to college. We both want to stay together. We have no idea what the solution is yet. Maybe we just need some of our own magical silence."

"So, how do we get some of this magical silence?" I asked. He suggested we go to our special private spot this weekend, where we've gone before when we needed to talk through some problem. I said we had to make a decision pretty quick since Fall term was starting soon. All he said was, "Well, that's what Magical Silence is all about. Sometimes the quickest way to get somewhere is to slow down. It's kind of a paradox, but it usually works. We're trying so hard and all we're doing is stressing ourselves out, which just slows things down. Maybe if we slow things down, we'll get where we need to get sooner."

So, we have a date for this Saturday to go to our Special Place for some "Magical Silence." I'm in charge of packing the picnic lunch and Matt's bringing the soda and snacks. He's going to teach me this yoga meditation thing he does and we're going to slow things down and let some of this Magical Silence do its thing.

Will it work? Will we come out of this knowing what we're going to do? I'm not sure, but I know we're not getting anywhere with all the stress we're putting on ourselves now. Maybe a little magic is what's been missing. I'm actually looking forward to it.

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Matty's a Daddy! Postcard on the Road to Maine

I know Matt said we would be taking a short break from the blog as we trekked to Maine. I just had to share this short and cute story with all of you.

So, on the interstate to Maine, we decided to stop for lunch at one of those fastfood joints you see at a rest area -- kind of a mini-mall where you can get gas, eat, walk your pet, pee, buy souviners, etc.

We got our lunch and found a booth and there's this family sitting directly across from us. Looked like a mom, a dad and their son who was maybe all of 5 or 6 years old. When we sat down, the little boy (who looked like he was a bundle of energy) looked over and stuck his tongue out at us! We both just smiled back at him and started eating.

Well, the boy wasn't finished with us! He made this really funny face, you know, kinda sticking his tongue out, making bug-eyes and puckering his lips at us. Then he took a bite of food, started chewing it and then opened his mouth so we could see inside!! Well, we both just cracked up laughing and his parents looked horrified!!

The parents scolded him (nothing dramatic...I think they just wanted him to chill and didn't want everybody in the restaurant looking their way), but did Matt cooperate with their efforts to calm him down? Okay, let's all say it in unison: "NO!"

Matt just smiled and made a really funny face back at him. I thought I was going to have to tell Matt to chill or the parents would have two kids to control! Well, the little boy just cracked up and an instant friendship was made!

So, both of them started making funning faces to see who could outdo the other. The parents watched the whole thing and I think they were relieved that their son was not making loud noises because Matt was putting his index finger to his lips in that universal gesture of saying, "Shhhhhhhhh," and the boy was minding him!

The parents looked so relieved and actually struck up a conversation with us. They were traveling from Connecticut and we told them we were from Massachusetts on our way to visit family in Maine. The mom asked if we were brothers and Matt said, "No. We're boyfriends. My aunt and uncle invited us as a graduation present for Brad." They didn't even bat an eye, but smiled and said that was really thoughtful of them.

We talked a little more and then got up to leave. Well, the little boy got upset we were leaving and started crying. So, after empyting our food tray, Matt went over to the souviner counter and bought a pair of children's sunglasses and took it over to him. You should have seen the boy's face light up. Matt told him they were special sunglasses that helped little boys mind their parents. The boy just looked at Matt and had that look that said, Are you serious? Then he broke out in this huge smile and his parents had to remind him to say thank you. As we were leaving, the boy and Matt were waving goodbye to each other.

When we got back to the car, I just looked at Matt and said, "You know, you are really sweet. I didn't know you were that good with kids." He just smiled back and said, "Well, guess I'm just a big kid myself."

When we were back on the road, I told him I was going to start calling him "Matty the Daddy." He just grinned and said, "Well, you never know. Maybe we'll have kids some day." WHOA! I didn't know what to say. We had never talked about this kind of stuff before. But, Matt, being Matt, just went on talking about his aunt and uncle and jabbering about whatever. As usual, Matt was being a "Chatty Cathy" and I was enjoying hearing everything he was talking about. We were about an hour away from his aunt and uncle's home, so it was relaxing to be talking about different things.

But, I couldn't stop thinking about his comment about having kids. He was so good with that little boy, like he knew exactly how to relate. Well, needless to say this topic deserves more thought..... but for now, I just want to relax and enjoy our little vacation. And "Matty the Daddy" just asked me to put in another CD of some relaxing music. This is going to turn out to be a really cool vacation. I can already feel it!

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