Holy shit.. You know that saying, "careful what you pray for"...
Since last night, I've had 3 texts, one longish email, and one 37 minute phone call with A. He called me up from half way across the country this morning, while I was in work, to connect. He said he really wanted to connect with me last night, and sent me a text, which I didn't pick up until this morning on my way to work. Damn my phone for never ringing when I get a text!
Anyway, I got the feeling that things are going exactly as I would like them to go. He said that he thinks I'm really cool, and can't wait to get to know me a lot better. It was such a lovely call, very sweet. No pretense or pussyfooting, just putting feelings out there.
He was driving cross-country through the desert on his way to his parent's house. Lots of stuff being stirred up, and wanted to talk to me!
I am in shock a little. Not quite knowing what to do with that.
One of my girlfriends who knows about A, one of the very few, (and doesn't have any judgment, she doesn't know husband at all, and has a healthy Aquarian sense of perspective), said that perhaps I've just outgrown husband, and what lessons he can bring to me at this point in my life. Put that simply, from an objective person that is a relatively new friend that has no reason to not be objective, was really useful. And also a bit shocking.
A and I also talked about seeing a tarot card reader together! Hhmm... I do that myself, but can't for the life of me be objective at the moment. Told A that, too. Told him I'd had a look, but didn't trust my own interpretations.
Husband and I had another interesting conversation last night, he was sweet, and I said that perhaps we could let go a little of some of the things that keep us bound. He agreed. I didn't name anything, like sex, or A, but he was recognizing that things need to change. Open up. I am bigger, we both are, than is this entity of 'us', this cult of relationship that we have always clung to. Almost like a cult, the 2 of us, reinforcing our ideas and beliefs about ourselves and our relationship, and it's time to move away from that, and let each other grow.
New lessons.
One more day of work before I fly down south to see Friend for 4 days, too. Then when I'm done with that visit, A will be home. 2 hours later than me at the airport. I might wait.
And, as I feel into things with A, I can only feel happy, excited, nervous, like there's a world of new growth and love and lessons out there for me.
I know this will not be a conventional relationship. A is not a conventional person! I haven't written too much about him for fear of identifying him too much, but I wish I could share the half of it.. He's an adventurer, literally, spiritually, physically, in all kinds of ways.
He's also a climber, very lean and atheltic and strong and muscular, and I have been imagining all the awesome knots he knows how to tie in a piece of rope. Around my wrists and ankles.
Post a Comment