Courage

Husband and I did the wedding ring thing. I noticed he wasn't wearing his yesterday morning, so asked him if he was ok with me taking mine off? He was. I am no longer wearing my wedding ring.

A and I managed to find an hour to spend together yesterday afternoon, unexpectedly, it was lovely. His plans had changed, and he didn't think we could hang out, but somehow, I ended up meeting him for an hour between things. :-)

(I also asked him that he be a bit clearer that I'm not 2nd choice in how he spends his day, and that when he's with me it's because he wants to be! That took a little courage, but it was worth it, the reply I got. :-) )

Here's the email I ended up actually sending him just now, despite a bit of trepidation. It needed to be said, he's driving me completely fucking crazy with this no touching thing!!

I just want to slam the guy up against a wall in an alley somewhere, and rip his pants down and give him the blowjob of a lifetime!!! Jesus. I am so physically into him, it's ridiculous... And he gave me one of those hugs that you'd give your aunt, when we parted company. Ouch. As well as it being somewhat delicious of a tease, it also hurts... I think I've reached that line, and the knife in the chest is starting to twist a little too much.

I have learned that if you want to bring a thing to somebody that's difficult, you own your own part in it, say it as a confession, and that draws out their own reciprocation, hopefully, rather than writing in anger or blame or fear, or any other negative emotion. I hope that this draws something more out of him, rather than pushes him back in the man-cave.

***

Hey I think it's my turn for the apology.

The last few times we've hung out, I've felt a bit of a wall up between us, and have only just really realized what was going on. I've been feeling a little insecure and wondering why 3 weeks ago we spent such a great and intimate weekend with each other, and now I'm too scared to let that wall down again.

I forget, you're being sweetly respectful of my space at the moment, probably just letting me initiate physical things, and instead I have been feeling a bit insecure when you're not initiating touching me. Women are sometimes conditioned that way, 'nice' girls wait for the guy to start things, you know? And after a few times of me reaching out, I felt like perhaps it was time I waited for you. So I think I put the wall up, and want to take it down again. Spending time with you with no physical touch is difficult, when I'm so attracted to you. So hug me more, kiss me more, touch me more, if you're moved to. I could use that right now. Touch is very healing.

And I know this happens sometimes too, I have had it happen myself, when you're attracted to somebody, you get together and find out that the chemistry doesn't work as well as you thought it would, so if that's what you're feeling, then let me know. It will hurt, if that's the case, but it's ok, I'm a big girl.

OK, I think we're done for 'emotional things' I feel need to say for a while.. ;-) Let's just go have fun when we next have the time...

Hope you had a great climb today!

***

That was probably a bit neurotic, but I realize I have indeed put up walls, and want to appear anything but vulerable and needy, in my attempt to cope with the whole divorce thing.
I was freaking out about hitting the 'send' button, until I read this:

AQUARIUS

You don't have to sit there any longer - you've been waiting long enough. It's time for someone to tell you exactly what they think of you, and in no uncertain terms. The good news is that the two of you already agree on most everything, from politics to ice cream flavors. Now all you have to do is find a way to pry this one little thing out of them. It won't be too tough.