I had a horrible dream, I dreamed I was going to meet A, as we have arranged, on Friday. I got there, and he wasn't there, and somehow I ended up back at my mother's house! I was logged in to Facebook, and A sent me a message to say he was there, and was waiting for me, and where was I?
Hhmm. Apparently stuck back in my childhood, at my mother's house. Speaks volumes. I am keeping myself from relationship with A because of her somehow. Woke up feeling horribly insecure about it all, and in a lot of doubt.
I did have the realization though, quite profound and yet totally ordinary, that A is never going to fulfill me. No relationship is ever going to fulfill me. So I might as well let go of any subconscious expectation that it will, and just let it be what it is in the moment.
Don't we all want that special somebody to take away our deep existential pain? It's never going to happen.
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