Do What Thou Wilt

Weekend fireworks. Where do I start?

My plans to go out with A on Sunday. Husband got rightfully suspicious, as I didn't tell him who I was going out with. We had been at a (great!) party on Saturday night, and both got a little wasted. We got home about 2, and at about 3am, Husband comes up stairs, wakes me up, and starts asking if I'm going out tomorrow with A?
I said yes, I was.
We had a long talk (not all that welcome at 3am with a hangover!), and I told Husband that what was going on between A and I was totally platonic, and that things had changed, our initial feelings for each other had changed, and that he could not have less to worry about! That's all he needed to know.

Husband freaked out, and threatened to throw me out of the house the next day.

So, I got up, left the house the next morning before Husband got up, after no sleep, and with a bad hangover, and left a note on the kitchen counter. "Sorry, gone out with A, I just had to do it. I had to go away today and get some head-space. I love you."

So I met A, and we took off in the car, and had a totally wonderful day together!! It was lots of fun, and did me a world of good. He even held my hand for a while, that was sweet. He kept checking in, to see if I was ok. I was. Totally. I am. I can't imagine a sweeter and more considerate friend. I am blessed. And more in love than ever, in a whole new way. All the knife-twisting heartbreak has gone, and it has just left me with an open heart. I am still totally physically into him too, but that's stopped feeling like a problem.

So, I spent the day feeling pretty terrified that when I got home, all my stuff would be out on the sidewalk, and I would have nowhere to sleep last night. A hung around, when he dropped me off down the street, and waited for me to call and let him know I was ok.

Husband could not have been sweeter! He just hugged me, and said he was glad I came back. We cried, and told each other we loved each other, and it was all washed clean somehow. I was just left feeling open and relieved, and reconnected to Husband again, after this last while of feeling so self-protectively shut down. He even apologized for threatening me with homelessness the night before.
Husband spent the night with me, it was nice. No sex, I can't go there, but it was nice to have him there, and us feeling happy to be close again.

I had to take that risk. I had to go with A, despite all my instincts telling me I should play it safe, chicken out, do what Husband wanted, out of fear and some false sense of bending my own will to fit that social or moral obligation.
So, Do What Thou Wilt was my whole Law yesterday, and somehow it broke something open, and was immensely healing for us all.
I pushed through my fear, followed my heart, not my fears. It was a big lesson.