Moved On.

Husband and I were up until 1.30 on Friday night, fucking like animals. It was wonderful. I have carpet burns, and very sore nipples, and slightly sore buttocks still. I got a really good spanking. I love to have Husband drag his stubble across my nipples, it hurts like crazy, in the nicest way, and triggers that nipple-to-clitoris nerve pathway. It leaves a rash though. I am red today across the tits.

He has changed a lot this last while, and seems to be a lot more into sex than he was before! That's good, so am I. With him. He also feels a lot stronger emotionally, and I have more respect for him as a man.

A kept popping into my mind at the weekend though, it was weird. I realized I really don't give him much thought any more at all. Wow, it was all so real when I was right in the middle of it.. The friends that are entitled to say "I told you so"!! I know... They are nice enough not to say that, thankfully.

Ultimately I am totally grateful for the way this all played out, even though I would hate to have to go through this again. It was hell, but I am happier, Husband is happier, and who knows where A is, I don't really care. I wish him well. But am damn thankful that it didn't go anywhere further. I am with the one I need to be with!!

Getting laid by somebody new was a lot of fun though, honestly, and I think did me good. ;-)
I am just sorry my friendship with A caused so much pain to Husband. When I said no, I hadn't slept with A, I hadn't at the time. He hasn't asked me since. I know this is crap, but technically, I haven't lied about that. He never needs to know about it. What's done is done, and I have moved on! I am very happy things are going so well with him again now. I really do love him.

I have learned a lot about co-dependency, my habits and addictions as an ego, how much deceit I am capable of, and what my real priorities are, to name but a few things.

I think we had a chance to strip our relationship of everything that was holding us back, and start again unburdened. I am getting quite used to having my own place now. It feels more like home now Husband helped me christen it.

I felt a radical shift at the weekend, I stepped out of my limitations and beliefs about myself and started to feel more like the Free One. The one that spans lifetimes and aeons, the magical Self, not the small one that is only concerned for the moment, this small lifetime, and full of fear and self-protection.