Co-Dependency

Co-dependency.

I have 2 friends that are in the middle of an extreme crisis. See post below. He is threatening suicide if she leaves. She has had enough. She is desperate.

It's funny, I can see the pattern so clearly of what they're up to! They are both enablers, co-dependents, participating in the game of ego.

He is manic-depressive, she is massively suppressive of his male side, a real castrator, fear-driven control freak, and she has a brother whose girlfriend committed suicide fairly recently. "Aha", you say, and yes, he got the idea from that, no doubt, seeing the wreckage it caused in her life, and leverage it brings, to inflict that fear into the heart of another.

I told her straight, like I said in the post below, I have known several suicides, successful ones, not the drama-queens. What happens is somebody finds them one day, strung up from a stair banister, and nobody saw it coming. Otherwise happy people, 'suddenly' have had enough. Real suicides hide their agony pretty well.

Well, he ain't that. He's a big-time drama-queen. BIG time. And of course, she is so trapped by her fears, seeing her brother go through it all too recently.

Part of me has no sympathy, and wishes they'd just fucking get on with it. Have at it kids, do your thing, and see where it gets you.
Heartless, I know.
I just can't be doing with all the emotional manipulation going on. Like I have said previously, my mother used to pull that shit. And she is an expert manipulator. I learned from an early age to ignore it. I had to. Even when she threatened suicide once or twice in my early 20's. I hung up the phone, walked away from the drama. She never tried that trip on me again.

He is on meds now, which should help things. I have never seen somebody so totally mentally ill, blabbing like a lunatic, rocking back and forth, muttering. All an act. And I tell you why. His daughter called, and suddenly he was fine! Hung up the phone after a sweet conversation with her, and went straight back to the babbling. It was almost comical.

He needs to let loose. Be a man. Show some strength. Stand up for himself. Give her a good hard spanking, perhaps.
Or maybe he really needs to act out his stuff, and wear a diaper round the house, and pacifier, call her 'mom' or something. I don't know...

She needs to stop trying to control, contain, be concerned, castrating, etc. She is very undemonstrative, too, and a real perfectionist. She needs to show the man some real love! And not when he's dramatizing, but when he's really in need of it and receptive.

They are a pretty extreme case, and it's interesting to watch, kind of like a museum exhibit.

It's not that I have no compassion, I do. I just see egos, acting out, and not really being honest with themselves or other people. I am having less compassion for ego games lately. If they were radically honest, what would that all look like?

He would confess his real need to be a man with her, and she would submit to his masculinity, open up, give from her heart, soften up a little, stop competing with him.

Wow, there's one for the feminists... But, let's face it, men and women are very different, have very different needs, and let's just acknowledge that and move on from all this victim crap, shall we?
If a man is really allowed to blossom into what he is, it all works out. He becomes somebody the woman wants around the place, a capable man who can handle business, and she feels less hysterical, feels taken care of by that.
If a woman is really allowed to blossom as a woman, she becomes more loving, softer, sexier, somebody the men want to be around, and not dissociate from or see as 'mom'.
I use 'man' and 'woman' in the loosest sense, of course. This stuff applies equally to same-sex couples, I'm sure!

This is all stuff I'm learning myself here. The dynamic has changed so much in my own marriage lately, that all that stuff is making sense to me on a very deep level now.
I only wish that for my dear friends, that they find this all out, and act on it, and see the awesome changes in themselves, and learn to live from love, and not from fear.

Under all the drama and lie of ego, they are both such beautiful people.