Well, I had to stretch to get this HNT post--only the tiniest bit of skin shows. But you get the idea as you can see me "stretching" if you look closely. The reason for the stretch is peeking out BEHIND my stretch in the pic. Some guys will do ANYTHING to get an HNT pic to post, LOL!I've been discussing a very personal issue with a couple of very sexy young women who just "don't get it" (in more ways than one, darn it). The issue is my relatively strict-celibacy for the last 15 years of my divorced life! Over the weekend, I sent them a couple of eMails dealing with what we were talking about and the rest of today's article has the essence of those eMails. These girls are good friends and we care about each other, but our life experiences and values in a few "modern areas" are very different. Because I value them as friends, I would like them to understand my position and feelings even though they don't seem to think we can have such differences and all be of sane thinking! They don't have the age or formal education that I do and I need to be sensitive in my explanations, and not insult or alienate because of MY value biases. Sometimes, that is unavoidable although unintended; but, if we remain open to dialogue & communication with each other, we can smooth over rough spots with apologies and improved awareness.
The basic topic was what to do about Richard and his celibacy/attitude. I couldn't believe it when one said "You can't have standards," and the other referred to facts of life "of the MODERN world."
HOLY CRAP, BATDOG!! MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN ONE FILLED WITH STANDARDS AND MEETING THEM FOR THE AF ACADEMY, MILITARY OFFICER LIFE, COLLEGE PROFESSOR ETHICS, GOOD CATHOLIC HUSBAND & FATHER, SINGLE PARENT GUIDING/RAISING SON W/ NO SUPPORT SYSTEM, SCOUTMASTER, COLLEGE GUIDANCE COUNSELOR, ETC. NOW, YOU TELL ME I CAN'T HAVE STANDARDS, MYSELF?! I am bothered greatly that the "modern world" has piss-poor standards in this area of mate selection and sexual morality as in many other self-serving behaviors. It just harkens me back to my EX- whose world had to have been operating under the same piss-poor, manipulative, "irresponsible civilian" bullshit (my opinions, of course) until she met me. It meant she was able secretly to revert to her sociopathic, manipulative behavior to "just get her own way" -- a hallmark of the modern American world altho that is a mentally-ill way of operating. (Please recall my Mental Health Counselor License and 3 awarded degrees in psychology & counseling to say nothing of my A.B.D. in psych. Maybe college-oriented people are more concerned with "standards" because they have to deal with them daily in academic affairs; especially, those of us who really had little chance to develop our hedonism and who don't need to "justify" our behavior by denying the relevance or value of much of the non-hedonist world.)
My eMail contained this:
"Anyway, involved in this or not, thank you both for your loving concern to set me straight (so to speak, LOL). I am still musing over the phrase, 'You CAN'T have STANDARDS!' which is really contrary to everything I have done in and with my not-inconsequential fifty-something years of life! I'm not about to change much now so maybe all the "modern girls" will just miss out. I have always gone for QUALITY, NOT QUANTITY and, after all, I DO have Manolita/ Palmela/ Jill anytime I want! LOL
Here's another reason of mine you would never have thought of if you are not aware of Catholic Christian requirements, I'd bet. I hadn't thought of this for a few months but it does apply too (in addition to all the other reasons I have). In the Catholic Church, my ex- & I were still married until she died 1 year ago. ('Until Death do you part' is a general Christian requirement/standard directly out of the wedding ceremony in most Christian churches I know of). We've all heard this phrase in movies before, eh?
A civil divorce does not invalidate any Catholic marriage sacramentalized in the Church wedding ceremony. If my ex- or I had sexual relations with anyone else besides each other until one of us died, Catholic doctine would see it as a grave sin of Adultery, keeping us out of Heaven, and being prosecutable in a Church court. Most Catholics in the US probably don't go to the Church court unless they are trying to get a Church annulment because such courts have no power over anything not solely Church-related (like the right to take Communion or have a sacramental Church wedding). In a non-Catholic nation, civil court jurisdiction decides all the 'important things' in the civil world affecting the divorcing partners like dividing money & property & children's time. It is mental busy-work to no end for Catholics to bother with a Church court unless they want to remarry someday in the Catholic Church. But most Americans now over 40 have been ingrained with believing the concept of marriage as 'until Death do us part'! For a serious person like ME (probably not her) who has always tried to live a life consistent with the major tenets of my Church, I would not feel free of adultery if I'd had sexual intercourse with someone new before Oct 9, 2008. And then, only after a couple more months of getting used to feeling truly free again.
This is probably not right for YOU, but we are not questioning YOUR handling of the situation. We are talking about your difficulty accepting me and my thinking & motivations in handling it altho being expressed honestly -- this is just an honest difference between the ways we were both raised and taught to believe about what is right. Yours is right for you, just as mine is right for me. That's why we have the American concept of Freedom of Religion -- you cannot really understand my values & views from your religious viewpoint if yours is from a significantly different faith than mine. Not unless you are also open to understanding the differences and accept that I have the right to my beliefs and feelings and values which are different from yours (but still honest and every bit as worthy for me as the way you have worked out yours for you). We are just different in these perceptions -- We can still be friends, just friends who disagree about what is right or best in this particular instance! That's about the only way all Americans can really get along, I think. Otherwise, our diversity makes us non-understanding adversaries, not friends.
I'm open to feedback but not to debating whether this is right or wrong. It is a feeling & feelings are, by definition, ILLOGICAL: good or bad, happy or sad, but not right or wrong. We have to feel how we feel -- just not necessarily ACT on the feelings!"
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