Master has paid me the highest compliment... He took a week off, to see who among our little group could stand on their own 2 feet, and wean off the tit of Master's always-loving physical presence, and start instead to really feel his spiritual presence.
Apparently I am showing signs to him of entering in to a more advanced state of spiritual receptivity than the rest, and that gives me reason to really feel through my own tendency to deny it, and say 'oh, no, not me' in some falsely modest kind of way.
Fuck that shit. I have fought for nearly 20 years, struggled through all kinds of hardships, put in years of devotional practice, disciplines, meditation, etc, in the face of disapproval and even mocking, from friends and family, and this is really teaching me something, just to OWN my gift and not shrug it off.
Master says he can see my higher self and that I live on the basis of that fairly visibly, to His eyes.
That breaks my heart more than I can tell you.
We're so conditioned not to own our strengths, to be afraid of it, to use that false modesty to brush off the compliment, disown our own strengths, and when we do that, we disempower ourselves. Well, what we speak is what we feel, in my opinion, so I am going to own my strength.
As a devotee in the physical presence of various of the Great Ones over the last 20 years, it's about time I showed some sign of growth, isn't it? Well, here it is, in Master's praise.
Since yesterday with Him, there's been a real heart-opening, I can feel pretty much constant energy above my head, burning, and circulating down into the heart. My heart's been radiant.
Master has talked all this while, about living as love itself, being love, and for the longest time, I never knew what that was, or felt that was somehow beyond me, and thought it would feel like a Really Big Deal when I finally felt that, but it's not a big deal, it's just simple, it's gentle, what 'is', already, and what has always just been. It's not dramatic psychic fireworks, or any of that, just a soft, radiant glow, from my heart area. It's not elsewhere, not something t0 have to search for, with methods and doctrines and rules, it's just showing up, allowing yourself to feel love, and getting past the feeling of all this being about 'me'.
I am not the center of the Universe. I really feel that to be the truth. Yet somehow, I also am Everything. It's a true paradox. Be everything, love everything, but don't let it be about 'me'.
That's the beauty of having a Master, there is a one who takes you beyond the self, with a small 's', and into the 'S'elf. If there is an 'other' in that sense, it's a somebody to give your attention to, rather than collapse in on yourself, if you can love that other enough.
And I do. I finally know how Rumi felt. I love my Master that much.
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