Inception

Never go see a movie with a hot date if it's something you want to actually see.  :D  Inception was great. I love Leo De Caprio.
We sat in the back row and spent the entire movie groping each other, it was awesome. I was so hot when we got back to my place that I had totally soaked through my sweatpants.

3rd time almost lucky.  E still couldn't get it up for longer than a minute, not hard enough, anyway, and he said my pussy is too tight to stay in, when he's only semi-hard.
He is actually much bigger when fully hard, which is awesome. Now all we need is an actual functioning hard-on for more than a minute! But the minute of actual fucking that we managed felt pretty damn good.  ;-)  

I told him not to feel bad, I really don't mind, and you know, I don't, it is ok.  Much as I want to get good and pounded on, 3 hours of just fooling around is pretty awesome too.  He knows where my G-spot is now, and he actually listens to what I want, it's great.  I actually enjoyed him going down on me! I have written before about how I hate that, but he listened, keep it slow, not too much pressure, and be very gentle. He did!  Awesome. I could get to like that.
I also spent quite a while sucking his cock, too, he has a sensitive part on the tip that Husband didn't have, it's really odd to have somebody like something slightly different, and a lot of fun, and easier on the jaws. He was fine, hard as a rock while I was going down on him, but as soon as I stopped, and we got into fucking position, he couldn't maintain it long enough. So, I just had to suck a lot of cock last night... Something I have no complaints about. 

I am so much more confident now, and telling a new lover what I actually like, is not so hard. I have never really been able to do that before, and have always just gone along with what they've thought I wanted, which is ok for a while, then the pattern of how you have sex with somebody sets in, and well, it gets old.  Husband was a good lover, but would never actually listen to what it was I wanted. E does. I dig the shit out of that.
He wants to please me, and is a considerate lover, and not just in it for himself and his own pleasure.

That makes me sad in a way, realizing what I have missed out on. I just never had the confidence. E is beautiful like that, he makes me feel like I am important, and it gives me confidence. He opens doors, thinks about where to park the car so I can get out easily, all kinds of sweet and considerate things that I haven't had before.
My last 4 lovers have been Aries, arrogant, selfish, domineering, bossy, much as I have adored them. E is a Virgo, and much more considerate, kind and affectionate.  

I am still slightly freaked by Master's not wanting me to have sex with anybody at the moment, because of my emotional complications, and shocked at my deliberate disobedience of him.  I have a lot of fear about what he will say when he finds out. I don't want to hurt Master in any way at all, but that need in me to get laid and have somebody who tells me I am beautiful 5 different ways in 5 minutes, is just too great right now.

I am sucking up the affection and the love like a drowning person needs air.  I just hope I can give him back as much.
So much for my being bigger than this, and more given to spiritual life and to Master. I feel like a big fat stinking hypocrite and a liar and an addict, and all the rest. I can feel how I have already compromised myself over this. 
Truth is, I have no idea what it is I want or need and what it is I should or should not be doing, but doing this feels pretty damn good to me right now, and life hasn't felt that way in a long time.