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My horoscope this morning!!
Thursday, Oct 7, 2010
You're bound to be feeling a little restless or rebellious at the moment. And if you're feeling inclined to go your own way and do your own a thing today, don't hesitate to do what you think is right. Even if you're experiencing a little self-doubt, just realize that the people around you are still likely to support you.
You may be wondering whether or not you’re on the right path when it comes to many important matters today. But it’s not too late to change direction. So don't hesitate to rethink some things and make some important changes if you feel they're really necessary. Mantra: Opportunity.

Well, that's exactly it.  Hit the nail on the head. I can ride this one out. 

I had a lovely evening with Master last night, that ended up in a wonderful snuggle and some tears, in a good way.  I guess while all I wrote about yesterday still applies, the email I was reacting to was easily explained, in particular the part about family.  Seems one or 2 people in our group have been giving in to a lot of social pressure from family, to do something more conventional with their lives, ie, get married to a girl that is not a good choice, for the sake of appearances, and Master was sweet enough to say that that didn't apply to me, as I have shown maturity around my family situation, and he feels I have grown a lot. 

I hope so.  I feel like I have, in a lot of ways, but there is always more to come.  I moved out of the bosom of my dysfunctional family 10+ years ago now. 

Master still does not know about E, but for now, that's not something I am going to worry about. He said broadly, that we all get what we need for our Awakening, and he knows that Grace is playing a large part in my life, and that's good enough for me and for him.

The trouble always arises when I put too much mind and thinking into these things, which is what the message of the Great Ones has ALWAYS been, stop fucking THINKING!!  Zen is ALL about dropping the monkey-mind that gets us into so much trouble.
That is different than stopping using your intelligence, might I add. Mind complicates and manipulates and confuses and strategizes and deceives. Think with your heart, instead.  Use the heart's intelligence, and learn to use the mind only as a tool for sharp slicing away of the irrational.  The Sword of Discirimination. That is a theme in Western Magick as well as in Hinduism and Buddhism. 

I ran into my monkey-mind in the worst way yesterday, overcomplicated everything, worried about it all, came up with all the right arguments to utterly convince myself. I am smart, and that isn't always a good thing. Monkey-brain makes mischief. 

And I KNOW what that sounds like. So many people would freak out at that statement, saying "NO! You have to think for yourself!!" Well, yes, of course, that goes without saying, but it's recognizing when that is useful and when it's bullshit, and having the humility and sense to let it go sometimes. 

Last night with Master, it was just simple, obvious, and clear, there was no complication about any of it. He doesn't give a shit!!  In the best kind of way.  And neither should I.  He just loves me, I could feel that. What is more important?

I would be the world's biggest idiot not to make as much use of my time with Master as I can. He is an amazing being. I mean, if you had the chance to hang out with Buddha, why in hell would you not want to?  He is a Buddha!!  SO loving.  I am a fool and a squirming ego on a hook, but who is the 'I' that is reeling me in?  
It all comes back to self-enquiry.    
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