When the fuck am I going to stop dreaming about Ex? It's driving me nuts. I dreamt about him again this morning. I would be ok, if that didn't happen. I could forget, but my brain keeps spewing out images and emotions, and I wake up feeling like it was all yesterday, then the shock hits again of our break up.
I had an email from Ex's mom the other day, just a one liner, saying how sorry she was to hear that we had split. I guess Ex must have only just got round to telling her? Anyway, I hate to say that I took the opportunity to tell her (some of) what happened. But I did. I hinted, at least. I am great at the subtle-language thing, suggesting something, without actually stating it. Saying things that aren't 'it', but that lead to 'it'. I hinted at a few things about Ex and Bitch, that perhaps I shouldn't have. "Your son fucked around on me behind my back with Bitch, and didn't tell me". Not that direct, but... close..
But fuck it, that's his to deal with now. He fucked up. I'm also not going to protect either of them.
I also got an interesting note recently from Ex's best friend on the East coast, saying congratulations on my 'emancipation'! That cheered me up no end. He wrote a scathing few lines about how controlling, manipulative and selfish Ex is, and how I am better than that, and how Ex acted out with Bitch, because of his own self-loathing, when he realized he'd lost me. That made me smile. Bless that man. Ex has not earned the respect of his best man-friend.
E and I went public on Facebook recently. It sounds really silly, but it helped it feel more legitimate and less like I have been hiding it all this while. Which I have, to some degree. I was hiding it all from Master, Ex, and that crowd at least, and now I have deleted them all from FB, I felt the need to stop hiding. That sounds so stupid, when I write it down. I am not 3 years old, I can fucking well do what I want. I am almost 40, for fuck sake.
I still feel somewhat guilty about it too, like I'm cheating. How absurd.
Another stage in moving on, now my relationship with E is publicly 'official' among all my friends and family. He deserves at least that, and I feel bad about how I have kept him hidden from certain people in my life, somewhat guiltily.
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