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Had a nightmare last night that I was in bed with Ex, and he found S's shirt under the bed! I felt so guilty, and managed to explain it away somehow. Woke up feeling horrible.
Why haven't I had any hot sex dreams lately? Because I'm getting plenty in my waking life? That's not a bad thing, is it? Sex is still great with E. Last time was so intimate, so sweet.. He felt amazing, just how I imagined sex should feel like when I was growing up, and it very rarely did. It does now. Not all the time, maybe, but more often than not. I am lucky. E is a great lover. He loves, too, I can feel that, and see it on his face. That fascinates me, I love to watch his face when we fuck. 

I saw the top of Ex's head last night. I had to catch the bus that runs past his office, and the light was still on, and there was his head, his back to the window. I felt so sad, so separate and excluded. Looking in on his life, from the outside, quite literally. How long til this stops hurting? Will I ever be able to send him an email and say 'hey, are you ready to be friends again?'  I'm not sure that's even possible, the pain is still so terrible.

E and I are driving to Tacoma Washington tomorrow, to see Ozzy Osbourne and Slash. That will cheer me up. E bought that as a gift for me a while ago. Very awesome. I'm sure that will take my mind of Ex's bald spot. ;-)  
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