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Just like a woman

So E stayed over last night, and on the drive into work this morning, Bob Dylan's Just Like A Woman came on the radio.  Ex used to sing that to me sometimes. It was all I could do not to cry.

I should think instead about the phenomenal sex we had last night instead.. Ex and I never had sex like that!  OMG, I was just SO turned on, and feeling SO sensitive... E has a perfect dick. And I was just a little drunk from the wine I had with dinner. I think sex is always better with a glass of wine inside me, I lose my inhibitions a bit, and get playful and slightly mischievous. He seemed to enjoy that..

I didn't even mention, I realize, Friday night, I saw a dear friend of mine who is Awakened. There were about 6 or 8 of us in the room with him, it was a sweet and intimate evening. E came along later, and they shook hands, and E said he could feel the transmission from my friend.  It was hard not to, he was sitting there in total Bliss for the entire evening.. I just sat at his feet and held them for a while.
He gave me some really great instruction about my leaving Master, and how it was ok. It really put my mind to rest about that. Leaving your Guru is so taboo.  You stick it out, go through whatever tests are thrown at you, endure, for the sake of Realization. Prove how 'hard core' you are, Shaolin Monk style. That's the tradition. Your Guru kicks your ass, you take it and say 'Please Sir, can I have some more?'
My friend said in my case, that's nonsense, I wasn't treated with love or kindness or respect, and I need love and kindness for my growth, I am too sensitive to be putting myself in the path of such ruthless people.  I cried. It was nice, I had an hour alone with him before E showed up, so we could talk about that more candidly.
It was so lovely to receive Darshan again.  I think I had been feeling so ashamed of my 'failure' when I quit. My friend said that Love is never in question, I am always welcome to be there.
It's so interesting to compare Master with him.  They have such different ways of teaching.

I feel so lucky to have people I can call friends, who are Awakened. I have several. 3, not including Master. It's such a shame this one lives so far away, and doesn't visit our town too often.  I do miss the frequent opportunity just to sit with such a One.  I do miss Master, too, I realize.  I don't miss the hardcore lessons and the way he used to emphasize how this way requires everything of you, giving up everything.  But I do miss the love I know he had for me, and his wicked sense of humour.
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