Had a lovely dinner last night with my girlfriend J, who I hadn't seen in 2 years, since I hooked up with Master. She of course, saw it all coming.. We had a great chat. She was also invited by Master's woman to be a part of things, but said no, on the basis of her being utterly crazy, and in her opinion, bipolar. She didn't want to be around that energy. She's smart..
I think talking to her helped a lot. I always respected her, and we were quite good friends at one point. Just to get that view reinforced, that I did the right thing by leaving, and that I was better off without Ex in my life, was reassuring. I do sometimes have the occasional doubt, and think that I might go back one day. Stupid, what is it about me that is a sucker for such punishment? Am I really that masochistic?
I miss Master though. I miss the Darshan, the energy, the blisses and the extraordinary transmission from him. He was kind, when I was with him, despite his not handling certain things that happened very well. I have no personal grudge against him on some levels, only how he let me slip through the cracks, and let me not be taken care of, when I was most vulnerable, and needed it most. On a daily basis, when I spent time with him, he was very kind and loving towards me.
I sometimes wonder, what will happen to Ex, if he ever has a real crisis, who will stand by him then? I hope that never happens.I hope he never has to find that out.
It has been nice, since I left, to really find out that some of my old friends are still there, from before I got involved with all that. I had a good time with J last night. :-)
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