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Dreams and Nightmares

When am I going to stop dreaming about Ex???  Jesus Christ.  I had nightmares last night. He wanted to talk, and I didn't. I was about to have a 3some with some hot guy, and A, (that was weird enough in itself, dreaming about sex with A again!) and was just about the get the shit fucked out of me, and Ex came and interrupted, wanting to talk, but it was just too painful.
Incidentally, A has moved abroad, to teach English over seas.. Yay! At least I won't be running into him any time soon at Sister's house!

I don't know what the fuck Ex and I would have to talk about anyway. What would be the point? I don't even know if he would want to talk. He seems by all accounts to have moved on.

I didn't mail that letter about Bitch having genital herpes yet. I was going to mail from E's house, being as he lives in another part of town, but kind of blew my own cover. One of Master's women called me, (because she wanted something), she hurt a knee, wanted to know if I still had my crutches and could she borrow them? I said no, sorry, and I wasn't at home, I was in Xxxxx this morning. So if Ex got that letter, and heard that's where I was, ... couldn't take that risk. Being a touch paranoid? Probably. Though it will probably be obvious it's me anyway, but what the hell. Don't even know why I care that he knows it's me sent it or not..

I think that's part of it, I feel like I've had no closure with him. None. We just stopped speaking suddenly, and he's gone from my life entirely, the man I spent 10 years of my life with, every day, happily, for 8 of them. Worse than death.

Talking of which, Satya Sai Baba passed away this weekend. I could feel him very strongly all of Friday night and some of Saturday. This sudden expansion of being, a feeling like I was being reabsorbed back into God myself, almost.  Quite amazing.. Blissful.. Lots of Kundalini.
Baba was a good man, despite what his detractors said. I had many, many blessings from him, and loved him very much, even though I never met him physically. In my 20's I met him many times in the dream state, and was also given some Vibhuti once, the sacred ash he manifested. I used it and used it, drank some in water, as he instructed me in a dream, and it replenished itself for weeks and weeks, until I was well again, and you can't fake that.

Om Sri Satya Sai...

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