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First Loves and No Guarantees

In Brad's post yesterday about Do First Loves Last?, he summarized what we actually began talking about maybe 2 or 3 months into our dating. We've already mentioned how this is the first relationship for each of us so it's been on our minds early on.

I think it's an important question for anybody in our shoes to ask, right? Not once during the time we've been together have either of us talked about breaking up. We had a serious talk (I mean serious) when we both began to verbalize what each of us had been thinking and feeling about love.

Before using the "L" word with Brad, I talked to my older brother about it. He's two years older than me and  is currently in love with this girl he met in college. I wanted to talk to him because I totally trust my brother. We had a talk a few years ago that we would never bullshit each other about the serious stuff. And we've never let each other down. (I'll say more about what prompted that agreement at another time -- just suffice it to say for now that it had to do with my coming out to him.)

After listening to me talk about Brad and my feelings for him, I asked him the question about whether we were too young to really know what love is all about and whether first loves really lasted. I'm summarizing here, but what he said was, "Matt, only you can know, I mean really know, whether what you have with Brad is real. Just be honest with yourself about what you feel and be honest with him. You can figure it out."

As far as whether first loves have a chance of lasting, he said something like, "First of all, you're going to do a total mind-fuck if you try to predict the future. The reason? You'll go crazy. There's no end to how this kind of thinking goes. You can't predict anything. Don't kid yourself that you can."

So where am I with all this now? What I have with Brad is real. We've done a lot of talking about everything. We've been honest with each other about ourselves, our needs, our visions about the future, sex, careers, etc.......

I believe all Brad and I have at this point is right now, that it's real and we trust that. What we have right now is what we have to concentrate on. The future's not even real cause it's not even happened yet. I want to stay with what we have right now. The future will unfold in it's own way.

So, what we have is this moment in time, and we're building something that feels real. I trust that. We love each other. There's no doubt about that. We want to stay together. There's no doubt about that. We are excited to see each other every time we're together. We get excited thinking about each day and week and month ahead, but we try and stay with our feet in this day.

Where we are at this point in time is more than enough for me.
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