Infrared Vision

Today's horoscope from the fabulous Rob Brezsny.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): What's going to happen for you in the coming week will be the metaphorical equivalent of gaining the ability to see infrared light with your naked eye or to detect the ultrasonic sounds that only dogs can hear. With this virtual superpower at your disposal, you just may be able to figure out how people's unspoken feelings have been covertly affecting your destiny. You will intuit lucid inklings about the probable future that will help you adjust your decisions. You might even tune in to certain secrets that your own unconscious mind has been hiding from you.

I had a moment's total clarity today, about Ex, and S, and the drama, and my need to step back.  I love Ex, for God's sake, and I'm not into seeing her bust his chops. She has no love for him.
She asked me to resend to her the email I sent to him last week and I told her I had deleted it, sorry.  When I hit reply to her in gmail, I saw Master's name come up. I wonder if she had bcc'd him on this one and somehow gmail was showing me that 'accidentally'?  Hhhmm.. Curious..  I had that blast of insight, and saw with my infrared vision what's going on here. S loves creating drama, and you know, I owe none of them a single thing.  Only really, to step back from allowing Ex to get more hurt. Whether he 'deserves' it or not. I care. I am done.

I wrote about 6 more emails to him today and didn't send a one of them. I will write when I, no doubt, hear from S that they busted him. I will give him some time.  My heart aches for the hurt of it all, and I feel bad that I have been feeding her drama, and allowing her to feed mine. Poor Ex. It's not his fault, all that. He's an asshole, but doesn't deserve to get his ass kicked for his manipulation. I mean, Jesus, I have done enough of that myself, I know what drives it, fear and stupidity and a desire to cover one's own ass when one knows one has fucked up, possibly visibly to the ones that matter.  I don't care that I don't matter to him, that's, weirdly, not the issue. He still matters to me.

4:47, and I think I just managed to convince S that dropping this was her own good idea.  ;-)