Cave

I have been having a cleaning-spree, I feel the shift in energy as Mars goes into Gemini, my first house.  Last night I re-potted my plants, did some Feng Shui on the apartment, (nice red flowerpot in the prosperity corner!) vacuumed (!!), threw out some stuff. It felt really good, and while all that was going on, the landlord's son was outside overhauling the garden.
Same in work, I've cleaned my desk, decluttered, and scrubbed the office kitchen. AND done a bunch of filing for our accountant.
All the while feeling low-level panic, which is what I think is fueling this sudden burst of activity, I don't want to stop and feel it, I want to keep myself busy. I think it's about Ex and the home loan. I haven't called an attorney yet. I need to do that this week.  I have been having nightmares and last night lay awake until at least 1.30, and woke up again at 5.
E and I have had a weird week, too. We ran out of conversation over lunch today, and he was just playing with his phone. It's date night tonight though. I am so tired! I want to go home and take a long nap.  Sex is about last on my list today.
I have PMS, too. It's almost that time of the month.  I invited about 20 people over for July 4th, and am now getting all anxious, because the people I really wanted there can't come, and the people that are coming are the ones I don't really know how to hold much conversation with, it's all the people like me, with no family to go to!  The social misfits are all having an awkward silence at my house on July 4th. Oh joy.  I am somewhat dreading it, and will have to spend all day at home cleaning and getting the house ready.  Why did I do that?  Seemed like a good idea at the time.  At least S is coming, she will keep the conversation going!

Fuck, I want to go hide in a cave today and stay there for the next week until these eclipses are done. It will have to be a cave with an elliptical, I am feeling and looking fat, and none of my pants fit.