Had another Scientology session last night. I have no idea what I really make of them, to be honest. It's interesting, and the few I've googled for historical accuracy have proven interestingly, spookily accurate, except last night's. I am still waiting really, if I'm honest, to be convinced of the lasting emotional value of the sessions. The release is no doubt real, but whether or not it stays in effect over the long term, and really makes a difference to your over all emotional 'tone' and quality of life, I have yet to decide.
I am getting over the divorce since I started the sessions, and life is changing fast, but that could just as well be the passage of time. There's no real way to measure if that is actually the Scientology helping or not.
Still, it's interesting, and last nights' was quite euphoric and enjoyable!
I started out seeing a big gaping wound oozing blood, and that became an elephant, and I was it's Mahout in about 500AD, near Jaipur. I felt the most intense wave of sadness I've ever felt, probably, but was somehow also a step back from it. Interesting sensation.
I was working in the Sandalwood industry. Well, according to Wiki, that doesn't hold up. Jaipur is a new city, built in 1727. And the land surrounding it is arid, not densely forested. I did think it was in Rajasthan though, which it is! So, 30% accuracy on that one. I suppose 1500 years ago, it might have been forested? And the area near Jaipur has always been there, regardless of whether the city was there then or not. The Jury's still out.
Ultimately, if I can keep my critical thinking in tact, does it matter? What does matter, in this context, is the release of great sadness. It came over me in a wave, and I haven't cried so long or so hard in a long time. It was the most emotional session I've had so far, by a long way. Whether or not the Jaipur area has ever had a Sandalwood industry, I loved my elephant, and came up with some interesting stories about me and my elephant, including a feeling of real intimacy and the 'memories' of a lifetime of relationship with a phenomenally intelligent and humourous being, in a large gray body.. Pachydermal Fraternity is a Good Thing. That elephant was (apparently) my entire world.
My elephant had been wounded, attacked, and killed, and I found him dead, and stayed with the body for a few days, performing prayers, ritual, fending off wild dogs, etc.
Then the auditor asked if there was an earlier incident that was similar. Here is where it got even more emotional. I was a green one-celled being, floating in the ocean among billions and billions of others. I was happy, absorbing the warm sun, floating, feeling total sense of Unity Consciousness with all the other billion plankton. Suddenly I feel a cold feeling, like energy withdrawing, like my arm almost falling off, and I became aware that I had separated into another plankton. There were 2 of me, and one had gone. The feeling of panic and fear was indescribably weird. Very tangible and very, very intense. The Universe felt profoundly wrong in that moment.
As I went over it again, and released the emotion, I started to feel euphoric again, and realize that there was no problem, and that I was still warm and safe and fed and there were billions of others to share the love with. It was just life again, happening all around me, no difference, and there was no attachment to the problem of separate existence. I had a massive emotional release, just feeling utterly euphoric and blissful and happy, and safe, and full of well-being.My sense of my body expanded, and I got such a feeling of tingling all over, like coming back to life after pins and needles.
I don't really feel that different this morning, I don't still feel the euphoria or Unity, life is just like is was yesterday, perhaps I'm a little bit less worried about my future, or perhaps I just don't really give a fuck anyway. I don't know. Watch this space..
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