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HNT #82 - Come Undercover with Me!

Well!  Here's a follow-up pic for the CavernoftheBeast & HeelsNStockings who came nicely with me in my last irregular post -- they commented with love so I send some back. Sorry I couldn't get enough time to post one right after theirs on my blog. xoxox<3

Now for an opinionated post (both professional & personal, I guess) to follow up my observation about Casey Anthony's court situation in last post.  With all the time and money that trial cost, and with all the time that the jury was given to weigh the details of the case, I am terribly concerned for myself and those LIKE me who are getting raped in divorce courts by kangaroo ramrod divorce courts that ignore poverty where we cannot afford lawyers because exes have bled us dry as we were maintaining 2 households to hold our families together before the final hearing. We still got less than 2 hours in front of a judge who already had his mind made up -- EVEN THO THE MENTALLY ILL ONE SUEING FOR DIVORCE HAD "NO GROUNDS!" 

Beware if you are male & heading to divorce court:  The judges there are idiots from all that they have shown ME!  At least, that's true here in Florida -- why would it be any different throughout the rest of a country whose ethics-of-selfishness lawyers have created the self-perpetuating Evil of "no-fault divorce?" Those idiot lawyers don't even have to have had a single psychology college course, yet are making decisions about human behavior and expected behavior even tho they have been trained in COURT procedures, & not how humans think and act and why they do what they do!  They must think there is no logical, scientific rationale that can explain ANY behavior. But that is because they are predominantly ignorant of the whole field of psychology and what it has discovered and uncovered  about the rules of conduct and human behavior that most people follow.

I do not believe there exists any sort of corrective mechanism to provide feedback to judges on how their actions and judgements are perceived by a frustrated public. The judges are out of touch and they STAY out of touch because the public is afraid and unwelcome to provide corrective and instructive feedback about the quality and shortcomings of those judges' decisions.  They have power, but NOT necessarily GOOD JUDGMENT!  Occasionally, it goes so far and a normal citizen is so maltreated by this system (and knows better), that he becomes crazy-enraged and kills one of these assholes having legal credentials but faulty judgment. It is a wonder to me that such homicide doesn't happen more often!

Switching the topic slightly, there is a young, single female bartender whom I like who is without significant job credentials beyond her bartending experience of 3 years.  From tonight's discussion after she got off duty and sat by me for a friendship consult, I see again that such a person, while concerned and trying to help, is not able to accept that my ex-marital situation can never be resolved and can never really improve. I KNOW GOOD AND WELL THAT I WILL NEVER GET OVER THE BETRAYAL AND TREACHERY OF MY MENTALLY-ILL  ex-, but there is no way to convince my young friend that MY perspective is truer than HERS is.  I have good reason to think what I have not revealed to her, that her impending marriage based on a big lie, is almost as bad as the Big Lie that MY ex- perpetuated throughout the 2 decades of OUR marriage!

I suspect this beautiful bartender is sacrificing far more than she realizes to make this marriage happen & get away from her hometown associates where she was likely abused (25 - 33% of American girls under 18 are sexually molested as are 1/7 of boys!!).  Because of parallels with my ex's personal history, I think this friend may have been abused at a young age where girls develop an "extra privateness" that is naturally defensive and doesn't reveal much about what they really want or need.  The problem with that is the development of a passive-aggressive personality style that gets them what they THINK they want without having to "own it" openly -- especially if it has to do with power relationships or sex.

The bottom line is that I feel certain there is NO WAY to make such a wrong become right.  The only positive thing some of us who have inherited that suffering can do is to accept that the suffering will never end and we just have to live with it because of some asshole who built a marriage on a bedrock of lies and deceptions and never did anything to undo the lies! The Divorce Judge just furthered ex's lies by allowing her to lie more in his court. Of course, SHE still lived in the jurisdiction to be able to reelect him to office.  MY Conclusion:  Judges cover their asses and protect their own best interests at the expense of true 'justice for all."  

Post-script: In a later talk with that bartender, I recommended counseling for her boyfriend over a recent event that scared her. In spite of being a retired licensed mental health counselor & knowing that EVERYONE IN THE WORLD can benefit from counseling, I was holding back trying it again myself.  However, to prove my point to her, I had to concede HER point and I will seek out Hospice counselors for an unusual version of free Grief Counseling to deal with the significant anger I still have. 

That is anger for the woman who chose to die from breast cancer without making a clean breast of it & owning up to things she only hinted she had done behind my back during our marriage. (You might be surprised to know I offered her a "King's X" & promised to maintain her secrets if she would reveal to me just how evil she had been.  That was 6 months before I knew she was actually dying -- I had expected to be the first to go!)
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