Squirrelly

Ha. Love how Facebook just asked if I wanted to be friends with Bitch. It should have an algorithm to not suggest 'friends' of Exes..  :(

Having dinner with S tonight, with some trepidation. Last time was when I threw up, when she told me Ex had a daughter nobody knew about.

Had some interesting dreams this morning, after sitting to meditate/pray last night for the first time in ages, and a chat on the phone with D, Master's old friend. Who lately is seeming pretty damn Enlightened himself, if you ask me.  And pointing out the flaws in Master's way of doing things in a way that is making me very curious!!

He said this morning via email, "I knew you'd understand about the Guru and why I see it as the last limitation to realization.  The True Guru can only live as [God].  He or she can do nothing to awaken anyone.  There is no one to awaken.  Even if they are demonstrating their realization, who are they demonstrating it to?  [Master's Master] must have known this cause I get this from meditating on him.

Indeed.  Who 'else' do Gurus do their work to awaken?  It's a damn good question.  Master is still busy getting frustrated that his devotees won't awaken.  HHmm..  I love D.

Dreams:  I was in a field, and Master was there with them all gathered round, and I took a chair on the outside of the circle, and listened for a while. I got bored, and walked away.
I also dreamt there were squirrels chasing me.

I never really copped to this, but boredom was a factor in why I left.  Interesting. It's given me some food for thought this morning.  But I was bored. I have been bored with 'spiritual life' for a while now. I think I needed to see that. I was bored with my life with Ex, it's good to be reminded of that, too, if not a touch uncomfortable.

The squirrels were playing that game of freeze and stand still when I looked at them following me, so I wouldn't know. There were about 50 of them.  WTF?

E and I watched Vanilla Sky again at the weekend. How many times I have wanted to jump off that fucking building. It really struck a chord with me yesterday. How badly I have fucked my life up in some ways, creating my own nightmare, and want to reboot. Great movie. I have never found Tom Cruise particularly sexy, but yesterday.. I could do him.

We had more fantastic sex again. I think in part because I have taken to shaving regularly, and although it's a pain in the ass to maintain, it really increases my sensitivity. Why anybody still has a bush down there, I don't know. Shave it off, ladies! Shave it off!!  If everything else in my life goes to hell in a handbasket, at least I am getting good and laid. That, I am grateful for.   I am even thinking about getting laser hair removal down there, but I don't know if I want it to be permanent.