Reflections

I think I might have finally asked myself the right question, when it comes to Ex.  We have texted, very briefly and formally, about the divorce papers, and I got what I needed, and said a polite thank you.
A friend of mine said this morning, that Ex was very unkind and critical of me. I stewed on that for part of the day, and on the drive home, it finally hit me, that him, and S, and my girlfriend J, are all reflecting so much to me at the moment. Master used to say something like all this is a reflection of who you are.
I always understood that in the deepest esoteric sense, but I got it again today on quite another level. I realized that I had never really asked myself the right question about Ex, namely, what am I not getting, not understanding, that I am still feeling so fucked up over our breakup?  Obviously something, or else I could move on.
Then it occurred to me, he's my reflection of my own self-criticism. I am my own worst critic, as most of us are, and I manifested a partner who reflected that at me. My dad used to do the exact same thing to my mom. Wow, he was so mean, she was never good enough, she never looked right, cooked right, did anything right. That was exactly how Ex used to treat me most of the time.  I never did enough yoga, never jogged or cycled enough, never ate right, didn't meditate enough, he was always nagging me to do more, be different.  He NEVER accepted me for who I was, always had a desire to change me in some way, to some ideal image he had of me instead of meeting me, loving me, where I was.
Master was right all along about that, I do that to myself. Ex was only ever a reflection.

J is a reflection by the same token, of my neediness, S, of my obsessiveness.

Maybe now I can move on and leave the pain of it all behind, we'll see.