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Wheel of Fortune.

Dreamt that Ex was kneeling in front of me, I was standing up. His life hadn't worked out, something had happened, perhaps his dad had died, and not left him the money he was expecting, something like that. He was generally feeling like things hadn't worked out well.  I said to him, "You divorced me, I didn't divorce you."  Meaning, I was still there, and I still loved him.
It was sad. 
Our 11th wedding anniversary is coming up in a few days. 11.11.11.  Ironically. And that date is all over the news, but I will be feeling sad still.

S. Yes, I did sleep with him.  So much for my resolve not to. 
It's ok though, I don't feel too much guilt about it.  It sort of happened in a bubble, in a way, not in my 'real' life.  Master's old friend D has been very good at coaching me on guilt, these last few years, and on 'being in the moment'.  I am not going to let this affect my relationship with E. He doesn't have to know. Why hurt him, or get all guilty, there's not much point, it hasn't changed my feelings for HIM at all, in fact, it's probably had the opposite effect!

S has been having a hard time emotionally, and has been a bit hard to deal with this visit. Hmm..  Very needy and a little clingy, which is a very odd twist of fate!!  Which although sad, makes me smile just a little, with a bit of self-satisfaction.  Fate has a way of keeping that Wheel turning, doesn't it?
The sex was not that great, either. It was ok, but not amazing. Comfortable. Nice. Familiar, something fun to do with an old friend to pass the time.  He smells good.
He's too selfish a lover, I think. Which is fun to a point, to have somebody suddenly flip you on your back, and take charge of things, but..  Well, E has more staying power, and is more of a gentleman, he always waits until I've got there myself...
I did get a nice good hard rough pounding though, I like that. E is never rough, and I do miss that sometimes. 

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