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Eating Spotted Dick

I go with Brad sometimes to the grocery store, and as usual, my brain is all over the place. While he's on a mission and has his list of things to buy, I'm walking up and down all the aisles looking at all the different things on the shelves.

Well, the other night he wanted to pick up a few items he had forgotten last week and I went with him. I can't remember which aisle we were on, but my eyes zeroed in on a shelf that had some cans of "Spotted Dick." I'm serious. I'm not making this up. I mean, what will they think of next, right? 

I almost made a scene when I grabbed a can and went running to Brad to show him. I was laughing so hard and trying to think of some funny line about the can. Sometimes when I get like this, I forget there are other people around!

Me: "Brad! Look at this! I found some Spotted Dick!"

Brad: "What?"

Me: "Some Spotted Dick. I found some Spotted Dick. Look!"

Brad: "Will you keep it down?! What are you talking about?"

Me: "Look!"

Brad: "Oh My God!"

Me: "Let's get some, okay?"

Brad: "Not before I see what's in that can!"

Me: "It's right here on the label. Look. SPOTTED DICK. I want some!"

Brad: "Oh My God!"

Me: "I think it's some kind of pudding."

Brad: "I'm not eating anything called, 'Spotted Dick.' Go put it back."

Me: "Oh, you're being silly. Let's at least try it."

Brad: "Matty?"

Me: "Yeah?"

Brad: "Go put the Dick back where you found it."

Me: "But..."

Brad: "Will you lower your voice?"

Me: "Oh. Sorry. If you're not going to buy it, I am."

Brad: "Are you going through the checkout line with that can?"

Me: "Yeah."

Brad: "Will you please hide the label?"

Me: "Why? They have to scan it and people will get a kick out of it!"

Brad: "Let's get in separate lines then."

Me: "Why?"

Brad: "Matty?"

Me: "What?"

Brad: (*giving me the 'stern Bradley' look*)

Me: "Sometimes you are absolutely no fun!"

Brad: "No, that's not it. It's just that..."

Me: "What?"

Brad: (*speaking in a low voice*) "I prefer my dick unspotted."

Me: "Oh....... I think we might find some of that at home."

Brad: "Go pay for your spotted dick. But I want you to understand one thing."

Me: "What?"

Brad: (*with this sly grin*) "I don't pay for my dick."

Me: "Come on. Finish shopping and let's go home!"
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