Flower

Hello Aphrodite!  :)

What to write about the weekend..  Just that I spent the whole weekend thinking about Ex, and hate myself for it.  Snuggled up in E's loving arms, in his warm bed, and thoughts of Ex are going through my damn mind... What's new. I am surprised anybody still reads this crapola.

It's fucking dark now, and only 4.50pm.  I hate winter.

I had more thoughts about how passive E is, sexually and otherwise. Much as I ADORE him, he's a lump, a couch potato, in bed and otherwise. It's always me on top. Foreplay has gone down to a minimum.. The sex still feels great, I still enjoy it, it's just... Not that inventive or adventurous. At least Ex had some sense of adventure and we did get into some fun BDSM stuff towards the end of our relationship, perhaps on a desperate attempt to keep ourselves alive sexually.  E has talked about giving me a good spanking, but it never comes to that, he just rolls over, and expects me to climb on and do all the hard work. I am a bit fed up about that. It's such a dilemma. I love the guy to bits!!  He's otherwise so kind, thoughtful, affectionate, I feel safe, loved, nurtured, everything I was craving in the marriage and didn't get. Respect, relationship, love, affection, just no adventure or excitement. I can't even get him out of State for a daytrip in the car.  Oh fuck... sigh..  I miss Ex's sense of adventure, we thought nothing of taking a trip on weekends, sometimes by plane across the country! I loved that. I miss it a lot. I feel stuck, glued to our home city.. I feel like E will never escape the Stratosphere, and I'm stuck to him by the force of emotional gravity, and it sucks, quite literally. 

That and his teenager drives me nuts. He's a lazy, rude, arrogant, smug little shit, and I hate it when he's home. He's more than old enough to have a job and start contributing to household expenses, but E will never say a word. He spent the entire evening Sunday night on the couch in front of his X Box, burping loudly. Not. Fun. Apparently his mother burps like that. Classy. 
 
It would have been our 11th wedding anniversary on 11.11.11.  I am thinking about leaving a flower under Ex's car windshield, if it's there on the day. Silly huh?  And somewhat stupid, in many ways. I just fucking MISS him.  In case you hadn't noticed. I know I am probably idealizing the shit out of the memory of him though, still seeing very much through the rose-tinted glasses.

Depressing post, I know.  I'm ok though.  I am waiting for that Neptune direct on the 9th! And all the fun and fireworks of Uranus direct on the same day as an eclipse, Jupiter direct over the Christmas holidays. I'm thinking if that lot doesn't shake things up a bit, nothing will.

I am also awaiting bitch's 3rd Uranus transit to her natal Mars in the 7th house, in mid Feb... Which also happens to be the same day that Ex has a big fat Mars opposition.
They will be toast, I hope.