Suffocating

Dreamt yesterday morning that I was sucking Ex's cock. He was so hard, he came in my mouth instantly.
Interesting. Now, was that a result of my recent escapades with his car?
Makes me wonder what he's feeling.

We drove past his office last night on the way home, I was in E's car, he picked me up from work. Ex was standing there in the window looking out at the night. I wish I could have stopped, and waved, and gone up to see him. I got so sad. Looked like he was looking out into the night, watching for me.  I doubt that though..
But I just wanted to let him know, "I'm here! I love you!"

Another of Ex's friends also said a few days ago, that he doesn't feel we're 'over' either. It really is getting to the point where so many people, friends and psychics, are saying this, that I am really curious. Either they're all trying to console me and be 'nice', or there really is something I can hope for. 

We went to see Immortals last night with Mickey Rourke. Love Mickey Rourke. E ate popcorn through the entire movie, and slurped and rattled the ice in his coke.  I have never found myself getting irritated by him before now, well not really, occasionally, but last night, I was just really annoyed at the whole popcorn thing! Jesus. So loud.. We didn't have sex, either..  Hmm..  I notice my attraction is starting to wane.  Well, it's been well over a year, I guess it happens.  I do love him though.  Maybe it was just a bad day and I wasn't horny, ht happens. But the nice shiny wrapping paper is starting to come off this relationship a little.
I know he's not 'the one', or else I would be well over Ex by now, and thoroughly in love with him, instead. But, well, I am a little sad, and I hope that I don't get to feel so frustrated that I feel I have to end it. There are several things that frustrate me about E, but up until now, I have brushed them off, just glad of the companionship, and the sex, and the distraction from my own heartbreak.  He is fun sometimes! He makes me laugh a lot, and we have a lot of nerdy interests in common, such as a love of Rush, and Starwars, and Fringe.
I want to travel, I want to get off my arse more and walk in the mountains, I want to be more outdoors, E hates it, and only really goes outdoors for my sake, I think.  He's just as happy to go walking in the mall than the forest.

I need a travel partner. My gf R is taking me to Yellowstone in the summer, I can't wait.   I need to breathe. Our city feels like it's suffocating me lately.