Feeling sad and a bit weird today. E and I had a slight argument. We never argue! And it's V's Day. What a shit day to have an argument on.. Well, it wasn't an argument, we were talking about stuff, and I jumped in, cut him off, I know he hates that. He snapped at me and told me to shut up! He has only ever once done that in a year and a half.
I know I deserved it, I know better than to do that, he's a slow talker, and I ALWAYS make a point to give him time to say what he's going to say, but I didn't today, and I feel bad. I also feel a bit shocked that he snapped at me. It was an awkward moment, I had to really try hard not to cry. I didn't, but.. It hurt quite a bit. Mainly because I was ashamed, I think, of my own momentary lapse of something I'm normally pretty good at with him.
Also, I think it was the realization suddenly, that I live in a bit of an idealistic bubble when it comes to E, and this was a less than perfect moment. Kind of 'Oh no, here we go again, same shit, different guy', thing. If it was anybody else, I'd have thought 'asshole', and moved on, but it was a bit of a shock to hear him snap at me.
That and my mom of course couldn't help tell me that Ex wrote her back, and didn't tell her any news. Despite my asking her not to. She was sad, I think, too, that his email to her was so brief and formal. I know she would have told me news if he'd shared any. I am sad that he didn't, they always got on so well.
That and one of my coworkers is moving away, to somewhere I would love to live one day. I am slightly envious, and wish I could take off to warmer climes and start my life again somewhere entirely new.
Also, I am just plain fucking sick of babies. Seriously. What the fuck. Several coworkers have babies or grand-babies right now, and we're expected to suck it up and constantly say how cute we think these little whiny, stinky shit-bags are. Well, I'm sorry, I don't like babies all that much. I have just suffered another round of emailed photos in which I'm supposed to reply with the expected social response, how cute I think that fat little stinky milk-sucking vampire is. I am 40+, have never had one, don't want one, thank you. Ugh..
Don't get me wrong, babies are ok, but I am just fed up with the parents' constant need to force-feed me photos of them. Fuck your baby. It really is no cuter than anybody else's fucking baby. Really. It's a baby. They all look like that. Fat, pink, with a stupid hat on. Now leave me the fuck alone..
I am laughing.. It's ok. But you know what I mean. It's just a baby to the rest of us.. Parents, please, don't do that to your baby-less friends, ok? There's a reason they don't have one too, they're not that into them.
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