Lesson learned, never communicate your true thoughts and feelings via Facebook to somebody you don't trust, during a Mercury retrograde. It must have been an interesting read for them all, I didn't hold a lot back, I was relying on Steve having some sort of brain in his head.
I have read and reread the long letter you sent to Steve. [Master] and the Sangha have read it too. Steve sent it in its entirety right after you sent it to him, trying to compel me to reengage some sort of relationship with you. But based on the feelings and perspective you expressed in that letter to Steve; where you attacked [Master], me, [bitch], and the rest of the sangha, there is no room for a friendship. I only wish you well, but please do not contact me.
Well, we're done, I guess. 2 years of painful waiting, trying to get over it. I think this is what I needed. I am done with that.. Time to move on.My response. Probably should not have hit 'send', but I did. And I cc'd one of the guys in the group, too.
This just tells me that you are all feeling the insult, not the love, that you never have had the capacity to recognize and feel compassion for heartbreak when you see it, instead you just shut it out and move on, because it doesn’t agree with how you see yourself as a ‘spiritual’ being.
There were some big clues in what I wrote Steve, that perhaps I was feeling pretty fucking hurt. What was your response? To practice “non-concern”. Go crying to Dad, shut me out and move on, because you are absolutely unwilling to feel anything at all. Same thing you did when I needed your love most of all. There’s no shame in need, either. We are not statues made of stone, standing independently, that is a myth.
I tried for 10 years to open your heart up to love, and all you did was literally turn your face away from me, refuse my love and intimacy, and get ever more involved in playing the parental blame game with me, of trying to please Dad, and make me [separate from God].
[Master] can’t fix your sense of betrayal. Neither can you pin that on me. Your email reeks of betrayal [Ex]. It stinks of it.
Maybe one day you will realize how narrow your world has become, how many people who really love and care about you, you have shut out, because they didn’t agree with what they saw going on.
I think you should question what [Master]’s response to this was, and measure it against somebody who feels ‘only love’. If [Master] feels ‘only love’, then where is his compassion for me and what happened? He hasn’t shown me any, after I left. Nobody gave a shit. You can say that’s me feeling like a victim all you like, but that lets you off FAR too easily.
Perhaps you can share this with the Sangha too.
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