Son of Anarchy

I started watching Sons of Anarchy the other night.  This morning that gorgeous blond was about to give me a good pounding, things were getting very interesting, when the alarm clock went off.
We had been driving in a truck somewhere, and we had stopped in a parking lot.  Some woman came over to ask us a question, he got out of the truck to talk to her, and it was E that came back, then somehow he was the blonde Dude again.
Hmm..  Damn the alarm clock.
God, he's hot..

I had a bit of a revelation today. Nothing major, and sort of obvious to most people probably, and I have even possibly had the same revelation before now. But I realized I am probably always going to want to fuck other dudes. No matter who I'm with. I am just built that way. I mean, I could be with the hottest guy on the planet, but if another hot dude comes along, I am still going to want to fuck him. I mean, if J Depp was mine, and the guy from Anarchy shows up? I'm not going to not want to get a good pounding from him too. Because that exact scenario could happen, you know it. ;-)

I think my epiphany was more about realizing that I am not 'wrong' for feeling like that, and that that's who I am.  I have always felt such a lot of guilt, tried to live up to some stupid ideal imposed from without, about what my sexuality 'should' look like.  I can't do that. It's not honest, and it's not real.  People are not 100% monogamous sexually, even if they try to be emotionally monogamous.

So maybe I don't have to feel guilty that I want my boss to bang the living shit out of me... I don't have to carry that guilt into my response to E.

And maybe I can accept that having a crush on my boss is ok, and not the 'problem' I have been viewing it as.