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Reasons to hate myself

I sent CEO a quick email funny earlier, now I'm all nervous about his response, isn't that stupid?  I am laughing at myself. He has a sense of humor too, for fuck sake. What am I nervous about?

Hi [CEO],

I am wondering if I can get a job title promotion to number 3? I could also make number 6 fairly effective around here, too.  

Director of First Impressions

Thanks for the pep-talk Sartorius..  I think that issue with the weight gain as a way of punishing myself and/or my body, is right on the money.  I have felt like the last 3 years have been 'my fault' in a lot of ways. Stupid as I KNOW that is rationally, somewhere probably not that subconsciously, I think my behaviours and habits do sort of reflect my 'bad' feelings about myself and where my life is at right now.  The frustration I feel, guilt, shame, etc. Being fat is one more convenient reason to hate and berate myself. Like I can't find enough reasons already?

I have pending a reading with a very good astrologer, but he has carpal tunnel at the moment, and isn't writing much! I should have asked for a phone reading, I think.  I know he will have good things to say, he's very astute and direct with people.  

I had dinner with S last night, spontaneously, and yes, I had 3 glasses of wine on a week night, and that's part of the problem, the drowning of my sorrows, too. She said something interesting. A while back, I had called out something going on in Ex husband's astrology chart, I said that he was likely having legal issues in his career, somebody possibly suing him, or some problem with the local DOJ. She said last night that although she couldn't tell me what was going on exactly, that I am a "very good astrologer!". Sounds like Ex has finally got himself into trouble, he was always pushing boundaries in his work...
I don't feel good about that, I worry about that stupid bastard, I was always managing to keep him somehow ethical, when he didn't have a strong sense of ethics himself always, and almost got into big trouble a number of times. Sad..  Well, it's not mine to deal with now, and that's his karma I guess. Sounds like bitch isn't doing a good job of taking care of him. She has no personal ethics either, apparently.

I had a session of laser hair removal booked for tonight, I got a groupon for that for a really good deal at a local salon! Their laser broke down, typical Mercury Retrograde! She's had to put my appointment back 3 weeks, as she had no free times for later in the day over the next few weeks.  Maybe just as well, Venus is just barely out of the retro zone, and with Merc retro, you never know what might happen if lasers are involved..   I feel good that it got postponed.  I am looking forward to having almost hair-free legs!  I have monkey-legs. I had the top half, and my bikini and hairy butt, lasered years ago, at Ex's expense, it's awesome, really does work well.

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