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Moons Nodes

The moons nodes have changed signs as of September 2nd.  I am still trying to figure out what this means in terms of my own chart. The south node is currently transiting my 12th house natal Saturn in the last degree of Taurus. Lilith is also there right now at that same degree, AND that is also where CEO's Saturn is, we have the same degree Saturn, due to retrogrades, even though he's 9 months older than I am.

It feels like some evolutionary leaps are in order.  They're there until 2014, so it will be an interesting few years.

I am really not sure what the north node in Scorpio will bring, Scorpio is not a sign I am at all comfortable or familiar with, really.  I dislike most of the Scorpios I know. I hate to say that, I am sure there are some Scorpios I would love, but I do not have an easy time with them, generally speaking.  I guess by their very nature, they are 8th house Pluto people, and the 8th house is not a comfortable place, and Pluto is not a comfortable planet.  I like openness, I never find Scorpios very open or easy to read.  I find them a challenge that I don't always want to take on.
All that is at odds with my own fascination with the 8th house and 'darker' things. I guess it's easier to read about all that than talk to a person that represents it. That's my Air signs talking. ;)  

One of my favourite astrologers has said that this is a time for finding sexual integrity.  That makes sense to me.  North node is about karma and integrity, and Scorpio is a sexual sign.  Sexual integrity is something I know I am really not very good at, on many levels, not just how I treat other people, my infidelity, etc, but how I take the easy route myself, and never really challenge myself in that realm.
Take my sex life with E, it's easy, simple, repetitive, very vanilla. He really is not adventurous at ALL. His idea of a sexual adventure is me wearing stockings to bed. He is the laziest lover I have ever had, (and not just sexually).  At least on the surface.  He has Venus and Mars in Scorpio, so he SHOULD be more adventurous than he is. I think he buries and represses a LOT.  A bit like me.  So in a way, we are perfect together.  Perfectly boring.

Ex husband was at least a little more adventurous. We had started, after 8 years, to get into some more kink kind of stuff, a little spanking, blindfolds, handcuffs, etc, it got quite playful, and he was always a very enthusiastic lover, and would try new stuff. 

I think E's weight is a real issue in all this. He just isn't fit enough, or physically capable of some things.  We just don't 'fit', literally, with that belly in the way.  I don't mind his weight, it's not a turn-off in that sense, and in some ways I even find it quite sexy, he is very squishy and cuddly, and I like that, but it just makes a few things impractical or impossible to do.  

So, I would like to be able to re-read this post in another 18 months, and look back at all the progress I have made in those realms since now. The south node has been called by some, the 'path of least resistance', or the place we are the laziest.  I can see how that has always been my MO sexually, I am pretty fucking lazy myself, when it comes to challenging myself around sexual issues and growth. I always do take the path of least resistance, and start to conform to the 'other' and lose my own way.  

What's interesting me immensely as I type, is that I am realizing that the south node has just gone through my 1st house, and during that time, I let myself go. I have gained a lot of weight, not taken care of myself, my appearance, got lazy with how I keep myself up together, and haven't cared so much what people think of me.I thought turning 40 had something to do with it, and it did, but I am now also suspecting the south node in my 1st house.

I think that's one of the reasons I am so attracted to CEO, he's not lazy.  I know I need that. I am a lazy fuck, when left to myself, and being with another person even more lazy than I am, does not help. I would like to be with somebody less lazy than myself again, like Ex was. He was always up doing something, and I liked that. It also drove me nuts, when I just wanted him around and he was too busy, but I also liked it, it kept me moving. 

I sent a distress flair to my astrology mentor yesterday.  I am awaiting his response. He doesn't like E, based on his chart, and I am only now really understanding why not.  I am becoming fat and lazy myself, and it doesn't sit well with me.  I can only hope the south node in Taurus doesn't add to that. It could.  E is a Taurus ascendant.  They can be very lazy and addicted to comfort. Having the south node in Taurus could make people even more lazy and addicted to apathy, and their comfortable lives.

Venus goes into Leo today! Yay!!  That should pull me out of the doldrums a little, I think. Venus in Leo is gregarious, social, playful, strong. (Thelemites, think Babalon! Lady of Flame! Leo is ruled by the Sun of course.)  I need a little of that in my life right now..

Master's friend is coming to visit this weekend, that will be fun. He is gregarious and playful.  Perfect company for a time like this.   (I really need to stop calling him Master, he really ain't the boss of me.)  N, from now on, I will call him N.

You know, I really need to turn this blog into an astrology column or something more fucking useful than a self-indulgent whine about my latest crush.  CEO called again this morning to talk cars again for his visit. I was babbling fool again.  ;-)  I don't know what he must think, why I can't get a sentence out straight! 
One of the many little pieces of synastry we have, is his north node exactly conjunct my Sun, down to the minute! (60th of a degree). 

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