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38,000 ft

Just going through my emails now I'm back in work, and found this, from the 16th!

Dreamt I was in the car with S and Sister, Sister was telling us how she thought I had hooked CEO, that he was definitely interested, and he kept looking at me. She said he couldn't keep his eyes off me. 

I had quite forgotten this one!  Made me smile..  I wonder if he missed me while I was gone?  :)  

10 days in the UK, and I am now back in the rainy PNW.. It wasn't nearly long enough. I didn't get to see a whole bunch of family and friends that I wanted to see. I was primarily there because of family stuff, a sick relative, dying from cancer.  Sadly, the last day I was there, he got the news from his Dr that there's nothing more they can really do for him.
I didn't hook up with S, or with Rob, my old bf, that had said he wanted to fuck me next time I was home. I just didn't have the time or energy, weirdly, though I do kind of regret that! Rob would have been a lot of fun!  

I am just very glad, too, not to be caught in Hurricane Sandy. I timed my trip perfectly, apparently! I have flown through a hurricane before, I think it was Andrew, in 1994.  No fun. I hate flying. 

I stayed at E's on Saturday night, and barely kept my eyes open, I was so jetlagged.  He was working over the weekend, which wasn't a bad thing, I got to stay at my own place, and unpack, settle back in to my own home, and sleep in my own bed.

We had sex last night, I forget, sex is always ok, better once you're actually doing it, than when you're thinking about it.  I quite enjoyed it.  He hasn't made me come in a while though.  But it was nice, fun. I'd had a glass of wine, it's always better for everybody, when I am a bit more uninhibited. 

My sex drive, generally, has been pretty low lately. I really haven't been all that interested in sex, and have been having a hard time, making myself come.  I wonder if it's hormonal?  Could be, stress too, all kinds of factors.  I probably have only had about 2 orgasms in the last 2 or 3 weeks.  That's abnormally low for me.

I am enjoying a nice quiet morning in work, my manager's out, that's great. I can just sit here and veg for a while, while I try to catch up on the rest of myself which is about 38,000 feet up, somewhere over Iceland. 

I need to find an excuse to email CEO this morning and fish to see if he missed me while he was here last week, and I wasn't.  I think it's good that I was away. For everybody.

The good thing is, I didn't really think about him too much while I was away.

I had some time with V, a much beloved Sister of mine, which was really lovely. I haven't seen her in about 10 years, maybe more. We used to go to see a female Guru together in Europe quite frequently, back in the 90's, and spent a lot of time on the road travelling to go see her.  She was such an open channel, it was amazing. I got there, she said 'How are you dear?' and I burst into tears. We hugged, and she brought so much Shakti and energy into the room, it was so intimate, such a heart-connection to her, and to our lady Guru again. I really needed that sense of connection, it's been so long since I've felt that, since I left Master, and all the shit hit the fan.
I felt healed, connected, sad in a good way, for all that had gone on before between us, the good times we've had together, and it was SO nice to see her. I love her to bits. She's a very special lady, also been through an immense ordeal, losing everything in the mean time herself, so we had a lot to chat about and catch up on! 
A very special time.  And I think in some sense, maybe even the deeper reason I went back to visit!
Very unexpected and lovely.
I hadn't realized how fucking disconnected and abandoned I've been feeling.

I had a flash, a few moments, when V was getting a cup of tea for us, to sit and look at her photo of the Mother, and feel that sense of connection again, and see my life in the Bigger Picture sense, and realize that it has all been part of the Journey, and all ok, and somehow, there was a moment of acceptance and seeing the Perfection of everything I've been through, and realizing too, that it's only an illusion, that sense of disconnection I have.
Such a Gift.  
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