These guys are very Aryan though, aren't they? The concept that "spiritual" means blonde haired and blue eyed I always find very disturbing, but I like this image anyway. Andrew Gonzales.
I went to the hypnotherapy weight-loss class last night, it was interesting, for a bunch of reasons.
Firstly and not in the least, because I used to live in the neighbourhood where the class was, just a few blocks away, and haven’t been back there since I got divorced. I took a walk before class, past Ex’s office, though I wasn’t brave enough to walk past our old house. The light was on, his car was parked outside, but I didn't see him, thankfully.
I still find it so fucking odd that we're not even friends, and our lives went so far in different directions.
I know that’s the point in my life at which I just gave up, something inside me just collapsed and lay in the foetal position for a while, and I never quite got back on my feet again, and that’s when I started to gain weight. I blamed it at the time on being 40, but that's such a lame excuse.
E doesn’t cook healthy things, he loves steak, eggs, burgers, etc, doesn’t love exercise, and I have been eating his cooking, and spending time on the couch with him watching too much tv, he’s kind of hard to get off the couch sometimes. I am not blaming him, I have been a willing participant!
But not having support to keep the weight off, really doesn’t help. I’ve also been eating out more often with friends, to avoid being home alone in the evenings.
I still get painful days with my leg sometimes after the injury, 2 years back. I am at least able to walk about 5 miles on a good day now, and lately most nights in the week I have been bussing in, and then walking home from work rather than taking the car, it's about 3+ miles! I have saved a lot of gas money, too.
She had us do a little exercise that I found interesting. Picture a food you know you would like to eat less of, and then turn up the volume, brightness, smell, taste, for the picture you have of it, then 'explode' it away. Replace it with a healthy something instead, and turn the volume on that way up in your mind. That's an old NLP exercise, I've come across it before, it was good to reuse it, I think it's useful.
The ‘food’ I gave up (for now) was wine. I don’t think I drink much by some standards, but probably most nights, I have a glass or 2 when out with friends, or several glasses at home on the weekends with E on a Friday and/or Saturday night. I don’t think of myself as an alcoholic, but I think the time has come to stop using it as a prop, and letting myself think “screw it”, and just order a glass anyway. I never used to drink before the divorce, one beer occasionally. So let’s see how I do with that, too.
My first meal today, (a few small pieces of watermelon in the morning only!), was some fresh rolls at a Thai restaurant we like. I didn’t finish the peanut sauce, and I was actually feeling full after the meal. She did a stomach-shrinking visualization with us at one point, and I think it actually worked!
And I have avoided the office chocolate so far. Haven’t eaten one yet.
She sent us away with a cd of the session, I am going to listen, I think it was a really useful thing to do. I have had plenty of experience with hypnotherapy before, at several points in my life, and it's always been really effective, I don't know why I haven't done this before. Wasn't ready, I guess.
October 1st, within a day or 2, has always been one of my ‘special’ calendar days, life-changing things happen quite frequently on that date! House moves, people dying, etc. I am willing to let this be the day this year, that I finally start getting my shit together with my weight.
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