S is having a major crisis. Her world is falling apart.
She's unemployed, her mom just died a few months ago, she's not happy dating the guy she's with, it's a stop-gap until she finds something better. I could go on. I hate to say it, but shit has really happened in her life, but it's how she reacts that gets me. She panics, freaks out, gets all hysterical and creates more drama. I don't know, maybe she only does that on the phone with me. Maybe I am her freak-out person.
We've all had crap times. God knows, I've had my share of that too, but you can't let yourself go under. She seems to be. There's only so much I can say to her, she seems so determined that her life is over, it's all fucked, and that everything about her life at the moment is negative.
I don't know what to do. I hate to see her suffer, it breaks my heart, but I am feeling like I want some distance, while she figures it all out herself. She keeps coming back to me for the astrology fix. I will have to cut her off, I think.
Had a nice little exchange with CEO this morning. He stopped to chat for a minute on the phone on the way to my boss. We traded a few emails this afternoon, too. Nothing too personal, but it was nice. He doesn't usually answer my emails, so I don't send him much, he's busy, I don't want to be 'unprofessional', you know? But this morning I dropped him a few lines after our phone chat, (which he instigated), and it was nice.
But it made me realize how far off we are from any kind of anything, other than purely business. He is always professional too.
Fuck professional. I want to declare my undying lust, and have that reciprocated, none of this fucking 'being professional' crap.. Urgh.. I hate how fucking 'pc' people have to be in the workplace. It kills the spirit.
I need a major miracle of some kind. So will S, bless her. They haven't been forthcoming lately.
Ritual, I need some kind of a ritual. Things always happen when I do one, something always shifts, but they never happen like I want them to happen, so I have been a little hesitant, for that reason. Like when I did a ritual a year or so ago, to get Ex talking to me again, the very next day, I needed to ask him for our final divorce papers for my mortgage application! Not what I had planned.. So, I am a little gun-shy of that, and of asking for help from the Divine.
I have had some hard and sometimes unexpected lessons.
Doing ok with my weight-loss hypno still. I have been by no means perfect, but I have been, I think, a lot more sensible, and eating less per meal. I am not eating rabbit food, or denying myself anything, just eating less of it. I do actually feel fuller quicker! My manager today said she thought my face was getting thinner. I have been listening to the cd most nights, as I am falling to sleep.
Perhaps I need relationship hypnosis too. "You will make a better, more appropriate choice about who you want to fuck.." I could use that kind of help.
E stayed over last night, he didn't get any. I just was not in the mood. I apologized. He was ok with that. I hope so. I felt bad.
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