I attended my first Gnostic Mass last night, too, and that was very interesting. A real ass-kicker with so many people present, the room was packed..
There's a part where the ritual reaches a climax, (quite literally, though done symbolically in the ritual with a cup and a lance held by the priestess and priest), and during that point, between when that happens and when you go up to receive communion wafer (cake of light) and wine, you have to hold in your intention to create the 'child' of that union, whatever you most need to manifest to allow you to live by your True Will.
That comes from the realization that during that moment of creative Union, anything can be created, if it's in line with your True Will.
The word "Hriliu" is said by priest and priestess, apparently the sound of an orgasm, which never made any fucking sense to me whatsoever, like a lot of ritual magick, but it was explained to me last night, that that sound is the sound of DOVES having an orgasm. Of course, Doves representing the descent of the Holy Spirit. That makes a lot more sense to me!
And when you're done with your wafer and wine, you turn and say "There is no part of me, which is not of the Gods". For me, that was really fucking cathartic, after my whole experience with Master and how I got treated with less than the respect I should have been treated with. A simple gesture, but it really moved me.
I felt quite a lot of energy present during the ritual, too.
Well, you can guess what I asked for.
Put simply, I asked for a 'Priest', (that's about the closest approximate word I can come up with), somebody I can do some decent 'sex magic' with, or at the very least, somebody that I can reach that place in myself with. Somebody on a more equal par, spiritually, sexually, etc. Of course, I visualised that being CEO, and even at one point visualised a ring, but I also put in the 'or more suitable equivalent' clause, because I know that I have shit taste in men, and that the people I like aren't always the best choice for me. (Take A, for a good example, fuck, what a disaster he was!) Always best to leave yourself a clause like that, I think.
So, the first call I get in work this morning was from CEO. :) Just business, simple, nothing personal at all, a quick 30 seconds, but what a nice confirmation that the Universe had at least heard me.. lol
Now, let's see if it's willing to oblige! That's a different matter. Love is the Law, Love under Will.
I asked the head OTO guy there a question about fear of success, which got an interesting response. You just drop yourself into Unity Consciousness, then what's not to worry about? Good response. Simple, but good. He said more than that, but that's what I recall as being the salient point in it all. And that's actually something that is getting easier for me, as time goes by, to remember and feel myself as they would put it, as "Solomon", though for me, it's more like Buddha, I suppose. For him, it's Ganesha.
I feel much resolved about my fears of that, and of things I'm doing magickally being somehow 'unethical'. That kind of clears up everything all at once. Act with your highest integrity and intention, and if it's not True Will, it won't even manifest. If it is, it will. Simple.
Been there again and again, a roundabout realization, but just to come at it from so many different perspectives is very useful, to hear what other traditions have to say about it. "Thelema" or Will, is all about that, I think. Trusting that your Will is what is guiding things, and that there IS no part of me that is not of the Gods. That what is my True Will, is no different to what is "God's" Will.
Master was subtle, but he threw in so much self-doubt, creating a "Guru and devotee" mentality that really did not serve my realization of that, in some fundamental senses.
Sure, there are hierarchies and divisions within the OTO, and OTO Guy's a High Something with all kinds of titles and secrets, and I'm not even under any kind of affiliation, but, I just felt his basic understanding of that, being lived.
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