Rant

Spent most of a miserable weekend on E's couch, with bad stomach pains of one kind or another. Friday I had terrible period pains, I lay awake most of the night in agony, an aspirin not even making a dent in it.  I should have woken E up, he had some vicodin!  Well, now I know.  It really doesn't ever get that bad, this was really unusual.

And Saturday night, I got some kind of stomach flu, or even maybe irritable bowel syndrome symptoms, not sure which, but it was a horrible weekend.  I think the alcohol might be setting my IBS off, I used to get that years ago, haven't suffered in forever, so I tend to forget to take better care of myself. I think I have been drinking too much lately. Not a lot, but one drink every night at least, with no break, probably for the last week. Various excuses, nights out with girlfriends, co-workers, etc. But it needs to stop. My body just can't handle it. 

Saturday day, we went to see Skyfall.  I love James Bond. I remember going into the movie, and thinking "Ok, movie, show me some sign", I like to do a little movie-omancy sometimes, it can be entertaining to see what synchronicities there are, if you ask for them.  So...  Javier Bardem, I will say no more, because if I tell you I will have to kill you. MASSIVE synchronicity with him being the "Bad guy", and with CEO.  (Remember, CEO is Latino). I almost choked on my coke when I realized..    Hmm.. The Bad Guy? Really?
That wasn't the message I wanted to hear, but I did at least see the humour in it. FFS, Cosmic Joker, really???  

I have heard nothing from Ex over this whole Quit Claim matter. It's very unlike him, he must be sweating, not to be in touch with me about it, and to have to wait this one out. SO against his nature, being an Aries.. He likes to want to handle business right away, usually.  He must want to go ahead with this one as soon as. Hhmm..  I feel a bit bad, but you know what? Tough titties.  He should have thought of that, when he screwed me out of a settlement. 

Chiron and Neptune in Pisces, now Neptune has gone direct, us bringing up a lot of our wounds, deeply buried patterns and feelings of abuse, for some kind of healing.  I can only trust that this one is going in the right direction.  I don't WANT to get into a whole lawyer-Ex husband free-for-all headfuck.  But I want some healing to occur, too.  Some acknowledgement, some righting of wrongs.  I am not the doormat I was, and I feel like I need that, to move on. 
At least something might shift, I don't know what it will look like or not, but.. It's more than there was before, just that email saying he had 'no room' in his life for friendship with me.

I never understood how you can have 'no room' for somebody you spent 10 years married to.  I don't want to get into being vindictive about it, but.. Well, that hurt so fucking much. Something has to happen to make it ok. It's not a good place to leave things, between 2 people who both claim to be on some kind of  'spiritual' path, is it? Never felt like it to me.  

Oh, while I'm ranting, it's raining like a motherfucker today. And just between home, the car, my office, my pants and feet are soaked.