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I woke up at 2.30am this morning, and lay there... and lay there... could not get back to sleep again!  I think the dream I had woke me up, and that was it, my mind was off racing.

I was on top of a very, very tall wooden structure, a building in the process of being built, and my old boss Bee was there, she was telling me something about the building, that it was in Silverdale? (Where the crap is Silverdale, I will have to google that!)
There was a smaller building with wolves on top, that were trying to catch something, and were leaping from the top of it onto another structure as it was collapsing.

Also dreamt I was with Jon, my old bf from my teens, and I was on my knees, giving him a blowjob, and he came all over my face.  I have dreamt about him a few times lately.

Anyway, collapsing buildings, flimsy structures, doesn't take a lot to figure that lot out.

Just googled, Silverdale is a small town on the Washington coast. I need a vacation, perhaps I should go there!  

So I lay awake thinking about E, and thinking about ending things, and what a hard thing that will be to do. I think it's inevitable though.  It's moved from possibility, to inevitable, but I just don't know when or how. Before, I didn't know 'if', but I'm pretty sure 'if' now, isn't a question any more. Urgh, I am sad..

I have been reading up on line today about Venus, and the roles it plays in our charts. I have a Venus Pluto opposition, and according to the interpretation I read, I am a completely manipulative fucked-up cunt.  :-/

CEO has a Venus Saturn conjunction, he's incapable of normal expression of feelings, and a Venus Jupiter opposition, he has unrealistic expectations of his lovers, and will cling to dead relationships out of a sense of duty.

Ha.  So why the hell do I want to go in there and tear his pants off and throw him on the conference table?  We are both emotional fucktards, apparently, we would make a good match.  ;)

I have to admit defeat though, I'm never going to get what I want, not from him.  Married men never leave their wives, do they?  And I will only ever be 'admin' no matter what I do. His wife is a high-flyer, owns her own company, makes a zillion dollars more than HE does, apparently. And his Venus placement also suggests that material security is high on his mind, and why he stays in bad relationships. (If it's bad, it probably isn't, that's my Venus Pluto talking, plotting her downfall already).

Urgh..   I need help.  I am mentally challenged, deluded, and very unrealistic.  One quick flirt, and we are married, in my mind.    
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