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Andy G

Dreamt Andy G was there at party in a house with my boss, etc.  I was drunk, and was walking round dressed in a thong and a waistcoat, and nothing else, and felt very exposed. Everybody could see my tits and ass. I left the party, and went for walk in the warm, sunlit, fragrant forest and met Andy somehow, he had followed me, and he carried me back down some steps in his arms. He was wearing big Dr Martin boots, and he was very strong and capable. I felt safe, and very loved.. It was so happy.

We went for a drive in a van, and I put my arms around him, it was so perfect, we were so in love.  He was catching me up on British tv, and what was on that was funny. He even let me drive, gave me the wheel. I was scared, but it was funny, and I could feel how much he loved me.

There was somebody's dream diary at edge of the forest with the dates 1977 thru 1992 on it. Andy was just as happy to find me as I was him, and we were so in love.

God, what I wouldn't give to find Andy on Facebook. Do you know how many Andy G's there are? I searched once. Woke up missing him terribly, 25 years later.   I feel sad now. That was the most perfect love-dream ever.  Interesting to dream that on Valentines Day.

Andy was my boyfriend in high school's best friend. When my bf and I split, Andy took care of me, mended my heart. He pretty much unfriended my bf, he was so pissed at what happened, I think that was the end of their friendship. Andy and I always had a special rapport, I adored him.  Shortly after Stewart and I broke up, I was with Andy one afternoon, and we started making out. He stopped, just short of fucking me, and said he couldn't do it, I was not ready, and he couldn't do that to Stewart.  I was so sad. I had fallen in love with Andy.

I don't really know how or why we lost touch. That was our last but one year in school, and after the summer, he never came back. I never saw him after that summer, and life went on, I never really gave it a lot of thought at the time, I probably had another boyfriend by then, and Andy just disappeared.

I often wonder what happened, where he went, how to find him, if he's happy, married, with kids, and what would have happened if he had not said no that day.

Ugh, big, deep, sad sigh.. I want to cry.   I miss you Andy, wherever you are. I still love you.  Somewhere in some other Universe, there's a life we had together, that was happy and full of joy like that dream I just had.

I spent half an hour sending him Reiki this morning, wherever he is, may it find him and may he think of me and feel loved. 

I think what it left me with is 2 things. I don't feel like that about E.  I love him, yes, but I don't feel that, what I felt in the dream, the overwhelming joy to be with a person you truly, truly love. I think we maybe felt a little of that in the beginning, I do love E, but not to that extent. In the dream at least, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Andy.

And the second thing, was a mix of that dream, and what happened when I logged on to Fetlife last night for the first time in a long time. I wrote a post that I wasn't planning on, that was probably a bit emo, about how I got a comment from some young 25 year old asshole, that told me my tits looked like flapjacks. I was so upset by that!! OMG. I only realized that last night, that I hadn't been on Fetlife in a long time, because of that asshole, had sapped my confidence.

Anyway, last night, 2 lovely guys messaged me, and totally boosted my confidence. One doesn't live too far away from me, in the next city over, in fact.  That cheered me up a little.

I looked in the mirror this morning for the first time in a long time, and felt I was ok, salvageable, even.  Not too much past it, to find true love again one day, perhaps.

Thanks Andy, thanks 2 Fetlife guys..  :)  I feel better about myself today than I have in a long time. I am sitting here in work this morning crying.  Thankfully nobody's around yet.

Ironically, or not, E is sick, has another cold. We were due to go on a double date with Sister and her husband, and I had to call and cancel last night.  So no Valentine's Day date.  Hm..  There's a message there. 

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