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So, retrograde Mercury has affected all the banking I've been doing, late statements, overdraft fees, statement pdfs that won't print, early bill-pays that have bounced a ton of other transactions.. Endless chaos. Not just my bank either, I am also talking work stuff here too.  Gah..  One week to go. 

So, I upset somebody on Friday night with use of the word 'fucktard'. There's always one, isn't there.  I don't know, I am just so used to working in a male-dominated profession, we all are potty-mouths, it's become part of my everyday vocab, along with asstard, and other variants. I got an email from the guy, a nice polite one, to his credit, explaining that he was offended and it wasn't a cool word to use.  I feel like a bit of a hypocrite, because I have pet peeves like that too, for instance when somebody says something is 'gay'. Which E's son does about every 2nd sentence.

I wrote an apology of sorts, but really, my feelings are that you should not get offended at stuff like that.  There are worse things in life.  So I said basically, sorry that you felt offended, (because I am, I don't intentionally want to upset people), rather than sorry I said it. That's still an acceptable apology, right?  He seemed ok with that.  
But I am just done apologizing for my fucking self every time somebody gets offended by something I did or said. I had enough of that with Master to last a lifetime. My whole time there was walking on eggshells, being uber-pc about every fucking thing that came out of my fucking mouth, in case somebody 'else' was offended by it. Nobody ever seemed to give a rat's ass what I was offended by. You know, stealing my husband was ok, seducing devotees was ok, not helping people on crutches when they needed it was ok, but saying your real thoughts on things was not?  I was always last on the pecking order, and made to feel it.

Fucktard fucktard fuucktarrrrdddd!!!  It's just letters, words, vowel sounds. Laugh about it.  For fuck sake. Life's too short. The meaning is in your own perception of the word. 

This guy is probably the sort of person I would not choose as a friend under other more normal circumstances, and honestly, I am hoping I don't run into him too often. I dislike that beardy-long-hair-pretentious-young-males-who-think-they-know-everything-vibe. You know the type.. Always want the last fucking word, and have to be smarter than you are. It's insecurity.    He'll have to get used to me as I am, unpc language and all.  He is probably a nice person, but I am done apologizing for myself. It wasn't a good first introduction.
Saying that, sometimes the people you dislike on first meeting grow on you more than the others. I have a few very good friends that I started out on the wrong foot with. So, I'll give it another chance. I am nice like that.

So that was the downside to my weekend. Everything else was nice.  Except the hangover I have had since Sunday morning, on 2 glasses of wine. Urgh..  I did only have 3 1/2 drinks all weekend, which wasn't bad, for me. A real cut-back. I am doing ok on that one, and feel good about it.  I haven't lost any weight yet though. Still working on that.

After Friday's trip to CPSC, I am liking the subtle change in my perception of myself. There were all kinds of people there, all shapes and sizes, and all were just hanging out, loud and proud, mostly. Not sure when I'll make the trek back up there, but I think I will soon, if I see some really interesting event. They are having a 'taster' at the end of the month, which allows you to try out different things, see if you like them.  That sounds fun!!  

Saturday, E and I hit a bar, friends of his were playing in a band there. It was a lot of fun. I totally hit on the lead singer during a break in their set, and feel a little foolish now. Thankfully he was drunker than I was, and will likely not remember anyhow.  Ha.. 

See? I am a fucktard sometimes.  But I decide when and how that, or any other label applies. You don't get to make me feel like one, because I said a bad word.      


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