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This Socially Awkward Fucktard Did It!

 I did it! I finally got off my butt and went last night to the weekly intro evening at Seattle's CSPC!

I am not good at going to things by myself. I am a bit of a socially awkward fucktard sometimes. I also get a nervous stomach sometimes when doing new things, and it happened tonight, too. Right when I left for the drive north, I started feeling my insides moving around, but I got over it, and put my mind elsewhere than my stomach, and got myself there anyway, and sure enough, I was fine, of course. I did get a little self-conscious that my stomach was making strange noises throughout the evening.

But it's not just that that stopped me, I am also lazy and a procrastinator, but lately, I have really just wanted to explore something more than what I have with E. It's very, very fucking vanilla, (or is that vanilla fucking).. Anyway. It is. The most vanilla you can imagine. He won't even spank me. I am bored, more than I am scared, I finally admitted to myself. The balance shifted enough to get me there last night, and pay my yearly membership fee. Which might be the most useful $60 I have spent in a while. Although, it's a way from home, not sure how often I will get there. But it's there, it's an option, and it looks like they have a lot of events going on, pretty much something every night, they even have several event spaces, and a library!!  I so want to check that out..

I went there to an event when it was still the Wet Spot, about 5 or 6 years ago, and I don't know why I never went back or explored further, there was no reason, it just wasn't the right time for me to do it, I guess. Then the divorce happened a year or so later, then E happened, and now I think I am only just starting to catch up on myself again.

Thanks to everybody there, they are all volunteers, which makes it even better that they were so nice, down to earth, and welcoming. I mean this in a good way, but it was like walking into a cookery class or something. As easy as. :)   At least last night, anyhow. It might be harder if I know there's an event, and I will encounter real-life action.

There was a party happening last night after the intro event, but it didn't start for an hour, and I wasn't prepared for it, and it's been a long day, it's a long drive home, I wasn't feeling well, and.. and.. I could feel all the excuses bubble up.  I'm glad this morning though, I got home not too late, and I am still so tired!

I am out tonight without E, going by myself to another interesting event, too. I also promised some co workers that I would go out for a drink, it's nice to have options! I needed a night off. A weekend night, to go do something independent that pushes my boundaries a little, out past our relationship, and my normal social circle, which mostly includes my co workers, sad to say. It's too fucking easy to rely on them and E for my social life.

 Feeling proud of myself after last night.
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