How?

Husband and I haven't had sex since June 7th, I notice, reading back through my blog posts. That, for me, is a long time with no sex!!

We are going away this weekend together, just the 2 of us, no friends, no family, just us, in a tent, if the weather holds up. I know sex will be inevitable, and I have mixed feelings about that. I know whose face (and other parts) will be in my mind the whole time.

I want to save my relationship, but it sort of feels impossible, when I don't really want to have sex with him at the moment, and can do nothing but think about fucking A upside down and sideways, 24-7...

How all did this happen? Sometimes life just seems to happen, while I watch it all unfold, wondering what went wrong. I kind of want my old life back. When I knew I loved husband, and didn't think about A all the damn time. It was simple then.
I am reminded yet again, of Neo in the Matrix, and his decision to take the red or blue pill. I know I chose which one to take, and there will be a time when I will be happy with that decision, bit this doesn't feel like 'it' yet.