Uranus

A called me at work to make sure I was ok, which was very sweet. We talked for 10 mins, he's on his drive up to the island we were thinking about going to together a while back. He's getting the hell out of Dodge for the weekend. Good idea. I'm glad. Don't want him being too close to all this mess with Husband. It's not his to deal with, in a lot of ways.

Our sister (my soul-sister, A's natal sister and also soul-sister) came into the office today, I haven't seen her here in a while. Looks like she will be getting fairly regular work again from us, which is very awesome!! I wasn't expecting her, it was a great surprise.

Anyway, I don't know what needs to happen this week, but I trust that it will all happen as it needs to. Friend is here, and we'll be seeing him on Saturday, with other friends, so I don't know that we'll get into anything then. I get the feeling Husband is filling up our weekend with people and things, so we don't have time to talk. That's ok. I'll make time, we have to do it. What I will say though, remains to be seen. Maybe I don't have to pull the plug all at once, and can be a bit kinder and soften the blow a bit. I do love him, I need to remember that part, when thinking so selfishly about what I need. It's not just about me.

I have been coming to conclusions about my relationship with Friend, too. I think that also has to change. I have been feeling a little manipulated, 'do it my way or get out', and a mutual friend of ours expressed the same feelings. He has pretty much taken on the role as Guru, and I don't feel he's quite fully there, and that's all I'm saying. I am responsible for my role in that play, too though, in my need for that male other. That is the part that can change, my need. My fear. My creating that situation of giving away my power to the other.

One big oversight on my part, Uranus turned retrograde on or abouts July 4th. Yes, the Uranus that is transiting my own natal Venus, and A's Moon/Mercury conjunction. It gets us thrice on it's zigzag path through the solar system. The first hit was back in early April, when A and I did Reiki I together, and that resulted in some pretty spectacular fireworks! The 2nd round hits me (us) in late September, and number 3 is in late December. Dates to watch.

I am feeling an immense need to be free entirely of influential male energy, and need to be alone to feel my feminine heart, not the male mind, that is so typically present in my life. I know a lot of very powerful and extraordinary men, and am always attracted to that energy. A recognises that, which is wonderful! Our 10 min chat was about us having space for me to detoxify from it, and him not being another one of those influences I need to be free of right now. I love him for that. That is the most loving thing anybody could do for me right now, that is a male. Stand well back, and duck and cover... ;-)

Shakti-Force isn't a pretty thing to be around some times. Things get destroyed. Let's not forget Ma Kali here, girt with sword. Full of ferocity and intent. I feel some clarity finally, and I feel stronger.

It's interesting which influences in my life leave me feeling stronger, and which weaker. Who leaves me doubting myself, and who leaves me feeling good about myself. A is one of the latter.

I inquired about taking the HIV test, so A and I don't have to use condoms. Seems easy to do. No appointment necessary. That's nice. I just walk in any time the clinic is open.