Getting over it

Well, guess what. I am getting over it.

No thanks to 'Anonymous', whose comment I didn't approve, and who called me pathetic and told me to get over it. Anon, you're probably right, but you could have been nicer about it. I have switched off all comments for now. I am still feeling a bit too bruised to receive a comment like that when I had asked people to be nice.
I have a right to be anonymous, I am pouring my heart out here, letting people read my most intimate thoughts, putting my neck on the line. You, however, can hide and call me names from a safe distance. I don't take that kind of abuse. I am a person here with real feelings. Fuck off, if you can't be kind. I asked that nobody do that, and you did.

Moving on..

I have started the process of deleting photos of A, emails, etc. Slowly, slowly, in my own time. The anger started today. It is a grief process, with all the attendant emotional stages. I was in denial for a while there, I admit. Now I'm entering the anger phase. I felt a great wave of it this morning.
The trick, is not to go to feeling insulted, but just to stay with the hurt. It goes away quicker than if you get all into self-justification and the other bullshit, feeling all put out, and like you got fucked over. I didn't. I am a grown-up, I had a part to play in it all, but it's amazing what people will usually do with that to make themselves feel better. I am not blaming A here, for anything. Despite the fact I feel anger.

I might be pathetic, but what Anon doesn't realize, is that isn't all there is of me. I am free, fundamentally, to be pathetic if I so wish. Most people aren't. For most people, it isn't a choice they are capable of making. I chose to allow whatever feelings came up around this whole thing, as part of my own conscious learning process, rather than being the blind victim of fate. That's Tantra. I didn't chose the way it was going to go, but I went into it in full consciousness, that all this could happen, and very likely would, and I didn't run away.

I figure that doesn't make me quite as pathetic as people that hide out and throw stones from the safe distance of anonymity.