It was hot, too! There's definitely a part of me that would love to do that! Perhaps 251 is a high number, but the thought of fucking a lot of guys at once is a good one.
It has plagued me that when guys sleep around, it's somehow cool and ok, part of the expectations for male ego, and when women do it, it's definitely not ok.
Men, why do you insist that you want to be the only one? Why can't you see that women have as much need for sex as you do? The times I have lied to lovers about how many men I have slept with.. I have never felt like they could handle the truth. Perhaps that's my shit, I don't know. Husband has never asked me that question, in 10 years. He knows how much I like sex, and probably doesn't want to know.
Thank you Annabel.
What a sweet woman. I couldn't help be moved by how vulnerable she was, how much of her you got to see, and not just that persona with the wigs, but the real her, the tears, the insecurities, the academic, the bad hair days, all of it. What a sweetheart. I wanted to hug her! :-)
And she obviously really does enjoy sex, too. Some women, you can tell they don't, they're just using it for whatever purpose. Attention, fame, control of men, money, whatever. And here is Annabel, who not only walks her talk, but talks some great talk about it all. Putting her pussy where her mouth is, so to speak. She's educated, smart, sweet. Somebody I'd love to have dinner with.
It was so painful to see her getting exploited by a manager that at the time of the documentary, who still owed her $10,000.
She might be a tough, smart, honest woman, but the exploitation was still happening, no matter how ok she said she was with that, I could tell she had hurt about it all. There were some moments when you saw the little girl, and the tough act dropped.
I was disturbed by the lack of HIV screening, too. Even though most of the guys wore condoms, a few didn't, like the 'pro' porn stars that took part and like to work without one. Fuck, we all like to 'work' without one, but.. Come on. That's a shitty excuse. I felt they didn't take great care of her in that sense. She was pretty vulnerable, and I don't think the guys organizing it really understood or cared enough about her. That was the sad thing about it for me.
When I was a teenager, I had a 'reputation'. I've talked about why and how, in this post, but for now, I think I need to acknowledge again how painful it is to feel all that social stigma, feel people judge you, feel they have the automatic right to abuse you, the other things they assume about you that are totally unrelated, etc. Whether that's guys, who assume you're 'easy' or women who assume you're a threat to their status quo, or competition, or you reflect something to them that they don't want to acknowledge about themselves.
I was always just honest about how much sex I wanted. I never felt a need to really hold back, based on what other people thought I 'should' do. Well, not as much as some people, anyway.
I think we would all live very different lives, if we were more honest about the sex we have, and the sex we want to have. It's like the Emperor's new clothes, isn't it? We all think it, and nobody says it like it is.
I am starting to find more courage about it all, and while scary, that's also pretty liberating and worth while. I didn't speak up for years about some of my sexual needs. I was conditioned to not explore, not feel into what I needed.
One of the great things that has come out of this last while, is the courage I've found.
I was at the house of some friends last night, their marriage is going south, kind of like mine did. I'm not sure they will be able to rescue the love though, as he is so hurt. She wants to fuck a friend of ours, and he can't deal with that. Why should you stop loving a person, just because they want to fuck another person? That's conditional, it isn't based on love at all, but on fear and need and ego. Suddenly it's all about him, how fucked over he feels, how betrayed, etc.
They have a pretty suppressed kind of lifestyle, and honestly, I think they'd be better off going their separate ways. Last night was an exercise in damage control though. OK, you hide the car keys, so you know he won't be in the garage in the morning dead in the car with a hose connected.
Not that people who threaten suicide ever do it, in my experience, it's usually more the case that people say things like "wow, who knew? I had no idea he was unhappy enough to do that". Several of my friends have done it and been successful, and it's always a shock. There is no threat, no drama, just a quiet rope tied around a banister, or a razor blade to the wrists behind a locked door.
I'm not honestly sure I could deal with it either, if Husband wanted to fuck somebody else, and I found out. But I can see that that isn't the truth, that we would still have that love between us, no matter if I felt betrayed, angry, etc. And if we didn't, then what we had wasn't love. I would get over it, and that wouldn't be cause to end a 10 year marriage, unless he preferred that woman to me, and it was more than just casual sex.
I am not perfect, I am not 'there' yet, I am open in mind, but not emotion, but at least I recognize the difference between love and fearful attachment, even if I'm not ready to practice what I preach, or act in a lawful way on my own desires in that direction. I would still feel very threatened by it, I admit.
Last night our friend was being a real drama queen though, and I hate to say I had such little sympathy. There was much manipulation going on, abuse and threats, because she was honest with him about it. That's the pity. Maybe they should watch Annabel Chong together some time, and realize that it's not the end of the world.
Why would anybody want to live in a marriage where they could be less than honest, or had to hide their deepest feelings? Facing these things is scary, but it's the only way to live a life that isn't full of restriction, deception and fear.
Here's one Emperor I'd really like to see naked...
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