Packages

I also have a rampant case of the hots for our UPS driver, Mike...
How he makes those baggy brown shorts look sexy is beyond me, but he does. Been having fantasies about being in the elevator with him and hitting the stop button. I really wouldn't mind doing him...
I remember the jolt of electricity first time he walked in the door. He made a point to look me straight in the eyes, ask me my name and make a point of remembering it, and he's always very sweet.
Nice piercing eyes. I like guys with intense eyes. I like it when guys look at me and make eye contact like they want to fuck me and don't hide it. Or hide who they are. Especially hot guys. So many men never look you in the eye and are afraid to bring you that energy. That turns me on massively.
I feel appreciated as a woman, and not just as an object, when that happens. They want to see who I am, as well as look at my tits. For me, so much about sex is mental, too. I love a guy that also wants to mind-fuck me, as well as just physically fuck me. I am more than my cunt and tits. Mike is one of those guys, I'd love to look into those eyes at orgasm. That's tantra. That's magick. That's energy flow. Sex is a whole body experience for me, not just a localized good feeling in the genitals. Fuck the whole of me, please...

I want to make some joke to him about my wanting to take delivery of his package, but it's probably best if I don't... ;-)
(OK, will have to make a point to watch my mouth today, you know how that goes, think a thing, and before you know it, it's out of your mouth..)

I was just remembering a cute young guy I met about 5 years ago from Columbia, Andreas. He stood talking to me for about an hour, and the whole time, was engaged in direct eye contact, and stood very close to me, the usual 'socially polite' distance between us was really reduced, and there was no apology, no avoidance, just the clear communication he entirely wanted to fuck me. That was so hot...

There's something about white guys, they just don't 'get' that sometimes. Hispanic and South American guys totally get it, and it's delicious.. They don't care, they're not holding back, they're all cock, walking about the streets, unlike the uptight white guys that are so concerned about so many things, stuck in their heads, afraid to be seen as sexual beings.

Mike is white, but gets it, I think. He doesn't hide it. He also comes around my desk, and stands very close when asking me to sign for my packages. All the other couriers, etc, will stand the other side of my desk, incidentally. I love that, it's a nice part of my day. Thinking about tearing that ugly-ass UPS uniform off...

Been in a badly horny mood the last few days. Been feeling lots of non-monogamous feelings. That urge to go fuck strangers is a strong one, isn't it?
Been indulging my Johnny Depp thing lately too, ordered quite a few of his movies from Netflix. Last night was Sleepy Hollow. My God, he's unbelievably hot in that...

We saw Invictus at the weekend, and there's a great line in that. Mandela is dancing with a woman at a party, and he says to her something like; "My father was a polygamist, and I am not, but dancing with you tonight, makes me feel very envious of my father". What a great line.

I just don't know that humans are supposed to be monogamous, really. It's crap, isn't it? At least biologically. We ALL want to fuck other people, all the time, and here we are, all pretending we don't, all based on our fears, and it's total fucking nonsense.

Can you honestly say, that when a new person of the opposite sex walks into the room that you don't know, that your first thought isn't whether or not you could fuck them? Mine is. It's built in. Instant, not even verbal usually, just the instant slightly subconscious reaction, a quick yes or no.

I am proud of my 9 1/2 years of mostly monogamous marriage, but am starting to realize (again!!) that it's totally unrealistic, and yes, that does scare me. From both ends, it scares me. I am scared of my own urges, and also scared that Husband has that urge too, and is far less monogamous than he makes out. And scared that I don't feel nearly so much rampant lust towards him as I do towards my UPS driver at the moment. What's that about??

Nature, I suppose. We are all animals. I am. I think I need to own that more.

Admitting that I feel slight annoyance at the Cosmic Joker this morning, for no sign of Mike today... He doesn't have a package for me, it would seem.. ~That might be a good thing.. ;-)
I am also wondering why writing about this has changed it slightly for me. I notice I have more emotional investment in it now. That's interesting, and worth paying attention to. We give things power when we name them sometimes, don't we?