2010

Well, I was putting off doing a 'retrospective' kind of end of year post, but what the hell.

2009 sucked. I started out with a house, husband, and some confidence and self-respect, and lost all that in the middle of the year. Thankfully, most of it came back to me, but.. It was a motherfucker of a year, and I don't want a repeat.

What did I gain? (Besides 12lbs?) More self-understanding, a deeper appreciation of Husband, a new Spiritual Master, and a big bill for rent each month. Some independence, perhaps. And knowing that I can survive in a foreign country, 5,000 miles from my own family and culture, even if I am not cozy and safe in a steady marriage. That is pretty valuable.

I also learned a lot about my own weird psychic abilities, when I think back to that crazy shit that A and I got into. There were a lot of really weird things happened. Like long-distance psychic sex, that was a fun discovery. So was sex while stoned, and therefore more sensitive to all my chakras.
For all the crap things that happened as a result of my affair with A, a lot of good things happened too. Like the fun of fucking somebody new after almost 10 years! It really re-awoke things in me that I had forgotten about, or didn't even know about. I think that did me a lot of good.
I should probably start thinking of it as a good time, and let go of the hurt now. Sister sent us a random email, a joke, and cc'd us and her husband, so I think that was a hint she wants us to start talking again. I feel bad for the hurt that she felt, her brother and her close friend going through all that. Wow, "never shit where you eat", as the saying goes.. Too painful.

S emailed me, he's not coming to visit. That is a blessing in disguise. While disappointed, I am glad I won't be getting myself into that kind of trouble again. I didn't trust myself as far as I could throw me. He said the trip was too expensive, but I think there are other reasons. Maybe he's more fucking sensible than I am. Good for him.

Here's to a saner, happier, easier 2010.