It's about accepting love. Accepting that I have friends that actually really do LOVE me. Not just 'like' me, or can't think of anything better to do than hang out with me, or want something, but that the actually actively LOVE me.
I think the overriding thing I have to conquer and/or let go of, is my self-doubt. And that includes the belief that I am not a lovable person. I believe it was Da Free John that once said that the ego is the feeling of not being loved by others. He was a smart man. I have come across more than a few things by him that over the years have made a lot of sense to me.
And the more I think about that, the sillier it seems to me that I don't think people love me. Or that I don't love myself, and constantly self-flagellate. (Other people doing that is far more fun!)
I don't assume that love is there, I assume all kinds of other things, mostly untrue. But the flood of incoming emails and phone calls and offers to hang out, etc, have shown me that there are a lot of people in my life who really do genuinely care. Even a few who have shown me so much love that I can actually FEEL it. Usually I am so numb, but that love is penetrating me, finally.
Master, Midnight Chamber, S, my astrology mentor, my aunt, A's sister, to name but a few beloved soul-mates of mine. Husband too. Paradoxically, I feel more loved by him lately than ever.
On a whole different tangent, but related to the self-loathing theme, have you ever heard of the Brit Sci-Fi series Dr Who? It's a beloved favourite of mine, and over here in the US we are running a series behind. In the last series with David Tennant, which was awesome, there were several episodes featuring the Ood. Can't help but notice what part of the female anatomy they resemble...They are such passive docile creatures, and so closely resemble a cunt.
Is that some social commentary? They are a race of servants, gentle alien butlers, there to serve man, in a really passive and compliant way. They are only ever polite and subservient, and are only happy when they are of service, except when they are taken over telepathically in one episode by Satan Himself. Or get a nasty case of red-eye, which ends up leading to their liberation...
That white globe connected by a tube to it's mouth is a brain-replacement that can be manipulated. They originally had a second brain that they hold in their hands, and is a telepathic receptor. It's almost like a clitoris in some ways, the more I think about it! That globe is like female castration, and control of sexual desire.
I could write a whole other post about the Ood!! Fascinating, now that I really stop and think about it..
When I was searching Google for a pic, I saw a T-shirt with 'Friends of the Ood' on it, which was a group of resistance fighters, a bit like PETA, who were trying to set the Ood free from their slavery by unscrupulous businessmen who sold them across the Galaxy as slaves in one episode. I might see if I can get one. I need to make friends with my own Ood.
Here's to the liberation of the Ood!
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