Anticipation

I think my need to get laid might outweigh my nervousness. E and I have a date on Thursday night at 7.

For some reason I am reminded of that scene in The Invention of Lying. If you have seen it, you know the one, at the start, when he first gets to her house. I am not that woman.  ;-)   OMG that scene made me laugh. E is a little bit like Ricky Gervais in that movie in some ways. Similar in looks, and hilariously funny, and so nice you want him to get laid.

He took me out to get some lunch to go today, which we brought back to the office. We were gone 10 minutes. I am still on crutches, so it's a huge help to have a person get me lunch! (I am a bit afraid of slipping back into my dependency pattern here! That's the irony, I DO need some help with life at the moment.) We didn't talk about our date at all, just acted like it was all normal, and it was still just me and E, like it's always been in the office. I babbled like a moron, I talk when I get nervous.  It was hilarious.  I was watching myself  and thinking "Oh Jesus, just fucking shut up you silly bitch!" 

I should have just leaned over and kissed him I think.  ;-)  I kind of like not having got that part out of the way yet, I like the tension and the anticipation.  This is a really fun part of any relationship, before you've had any kind of sex yet and are totally thinking about it and madly horny.

What is interesting is the timing of this one. I feel that increased interest in sex at the moment is really helping to move the energy through my body. I have always been very blocked 'down there', I guess we all are, all that stupid-assed potty training trauma from parents that were full of shame about their own bodies. Master is working to unblock me, and I think getting laid will very likely help with that!
I hope the reality lives up to my fantasy, because I am feeling a LOT when I think about fucking this guy.
I am a bit concerned about his emotional take on it though. We will need to have a talk.
What I came to last night was that I am a spiritual whore, Babalon, I am here to give my heart to all beings. I can't just give it to one guy.  He needs to know that, so he's not expecting any kind of exclusive thing from me.
I hope he's up for that. I really do.  I hope I'm up for that!! And not just being hideously idealistic yet again.

And hello to Joanne, Secretary and Dion, my newest 'followers'. (God what a silly term).  Hope you enjoy my blog! :)